Crocodile Tears

Day 3

Nobles and Lizardfolk

The next morning everyone is awoken to the sound of banging on the sides of the walls. Several peasants are seen wandering around inside Normus’s house. They are rummaging through every nook and cranny, desperately searching for food. Other peasants are pushing each other out of the way, trying to get in on the action. Several more are stationed outside, banging on the walls, waiting for a chance to rummage. It is 6:30 am.

Malak, you’re equipment remains untouched. You are mildly hungry, and very lightly thirsty.

Maverick, the peasants have stolen you’re porn. You are very hungry, very thirst, and you particularly have been awakened by several peasants liking what’s left of your last meal your face.

John, you’re fish bones have been stolen. One of the peasants close to you appears to be choking. You are lightly thirsty.

Normus, you have the normal aches and pains from living the life of a lower middle class civil servant. While most of your house has been turned upside down (Because the door was kicked down), you’re barrel of rain water outside is clean and untouched, and the peasants have thus far been unable to locate you’re jar of food. The walls of your house are beginning to buckle.

Suddenly, a peasant screams triumphantly, and holds up a large jar of grain scrapings that the managers of all work stations are given weekly. Every peasant with in hearing distance dive-bombs the peasant with the jar, literally ripping him apart like wild dogs. Mary (Who has been sleeping next to Maverick) sees the walls crumbling, and weaves through the sea of rabid poor people, and escapes to the outside. The peasants outside are beginning to pound through the walls in a frenzied attempt to get at the food.

John first takes a moment to laugh at the choking person and then realizes the terrible stench of people and even worse poor people. He runs out of the house cutting down anyone who gets in his way.
Maverick pushes off the servants in disgust, “WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE WHO GETS LICKED ALL THE TIME!!!!!”. noticing the walls buckling, she grabs her satchel and shakes Malak. “GET UP!! THE WALLS! THE WALLS!!” she cries and makes a dash for the door, ‘accidently’ kicking Normus in the crotch on the way out, shouting “MARY! MARY!! WHERE ARE YOU?!”
Malak, awakening, grabs his equipment and follows the trail of John G. taking advantage of the clearing that he leaves in his wake.
The house begins to shake, the walls snap, and the roof collapses. Normus is saved by several peasants who act as cushioning (But are killed in the process.) He notices his jar of grain has sadly been smashed. Luckily, the water barrel was far enough away from the house that is wasn’t knocked over in the collapse. Mary managed to get out unharmed. Normus is trapped under the wreckage.

“Well now we out of filthy house who want to go raid rich fat humans?” John says with a hopeful look in his eye.
John looks around at everyone knowing that no one will want to save him so he lets out a big sigh which really sounds like a hiss because he is a lizard. “Me save him” John says reluctantly. He takes a big gulp of water out of the barrel and dives in the wreckage and tries to pull out Normus.
Crap, Maverick is under there too…" Malak says. He fills his canteen with water and does a spot check for Maverick. But he sees that Maverick did in fact make it out of the wreckage
Maverick smiles at Malak, “thanks for the concern though.” she grabs Mary by the hand and goes over to the barrel and drinks her fill of water and then lifts Mary up to the water to have a drink. she sighs and calls out, “hang on John and ill give u a hand!!” she looks at Mary, “stay close to Malak and keep urself out of trouble sweetie, ok?” she ruffles Mary’s hair and runs toward the house to begrudgling get Normus out from under the wreckage.
While everyone stands around the tattered scrap pile of what used to be Normus’s home, Malak spots a man on a platform approaching. The man is dressed elegantly in black flowing velvet robes, trimmed with gold and several sapphire pendants hang from his neck. He himself is incredibly skinny, and strangely rather handsome. He has short blond hair that sticks up on the left side of his head. He has a short, straggly pointy chin beard and thin eyebrows. Not much else can be seen under his rather modest clothing choice (Modest in a sexual term, this guy might as well have a sign around his neck that says “Bow to me, I’m rich”.) while he floats on an opaque blue disk. He is surrounded by Royal guards, and for the first time since you entered the city, fat peasants.

He stops ten feet from where everyone is standing.

Greetings lesser beings. I will grace you not only with my presence, but also with my own introduction. I am the great and powerful Arch Duke Shourecrox, the great, great 13th cousin twice removed to the King of Ranpurre himself and a member of the Letan dynasty. Normally I wouldn’t sully my hands by coming to this wretched filth hole, but I imagined that my presence would help carry the gravity of the situation." The thin rich man says.

As he is talking, two fat peasants waddle over to Malak, and lay a large gold trimmed chest in front of him. One of the Fatties opens up the chest. Inside are dozens of masks, all made of fabulous materials, Rubies, Diamonds, platinum, gold, silver etc.

“Amusing, isn’t it. How those in my employ walk. You see, Azg the Mechanist has found a miraculous way to magically suck fat out of a Higher Being’s body and transplant it into another creature. I use this fascinating process to keep my servants from starving to death with out having to waste wonderful food on their mongrel pallets. Speaking of which, I feel a bit peckish. YOU, BRING ME DANISHES!” The duke roars pointing to an arbitrary peasant. The peasant waddles over to a large basket several other poor people are struggling to lift, and withdraws a large silver plater filled with pastries. He huffs over to the duke, who has withdrawn a timer from his robes.

“Too slow, give me the food and have him excruciated. I suppose I will have food sex later.”

The Royal guards wring their hands together gleefully, and snatch the food away from the peasant. One hands the tray to the duke as two more are handed what look like two very large spiked egg-beaters. The peasant begins pleading for forgiveness as both guards stick the tip spike of one of their tools into his back and one into his stomach. The spikes spring open like an umbrella, twisting the peasant’s face in agony. The Guards begin cranking the handle on the “Excruciators” and the metal blades inside the peasants body begin spinning. The Tools quickly turn the peasants gizzard into a tossed salad, as fat and viscera fly through the air, showering everyone with in a five foot radius in a macabre misting of blood and fragments of obliterated entrails. While all this is happening, the Arch duke stands calmly eating his pastries. Blood vomits up through the peasant’s mouth as his eyes are blown out of their sockets. Finally the guards stop, and shake the remains of their Excruciators.

“Well, all well and good, but enough pleasantries, it is time to get down to business.” The Arch Duke says, throwing the empty plate to the servants. They all jump on it, and fight each other for a chance to lick the discarded dish. Duke Shourecrox points at Malak. “You sir, appear to be an exotic world traveler. I am a collector of sorts. I would like to buy that mask you are wearing. I’ll give you everything you see in that trunk in front of you, as well as six thousand platinum. I’ll even throw in food. What do you say?”

A Peasant attempts to lift a mask out of the trunk to show Malak it’s fine quality.

“DON’T TOUCH THAT YOU BLUBBERY, ABOMINABLE, LITTLE IGNORAMUS!” The Arch Duke screams at the top of his lungs. “Excruciation.”

The peasant is dragged back, and killed in the same manner as the last.

“You humans kill each other so wrong.” John says while shaking his head in disapproval. “This how you do it” john grabs a peasant throws him to the ground grabs his great club and squashes the man’s head in. “quick and easy. you no waste time. you would know that if you raised nerfs like i do”

Maverick moves swiftly over to John, lightly gripping the back of his neck and lifting him off the peasant, “Enough, that’s not necessary John.” She plops him on the ground a few feet back from the peasant fully expecting John to go back and poke at it some more. She then steps toward Malak carefully in order to grab Mary’s hand. “I don’t think we are interested in your offer sir,” Maverick says calmly shifting her eyes warily toward Malak. Her eyes shift from green to blue, then amber.

John hits the peasant in the head. the peasant kicks john in the groin, then waddles away back into the crowd, out of john’s reach.

Maverick attempts to lift John, but fails (Because he has about a foot and 90 pounds on her).

“Keep your tongue in its yap hole slave. This is between The Elf and Myself…” the Arch Duke begins. It’s then he spot’s the change in maverick’s Eye color. “You’re one of them aren’t you? Those damn priests who keep standing in my way! I’ve been civil with you Voodoo scum thus far, but meddle in my affairs again, and there will be blood.”

John finally losing his patience with the antics of the humans says “me out of here you all stuiped B**ches.” John starts to limp away back to the town to go find Zemire.

“Look,” Normus says. “I believe that you Malak should in fact make this purchase with the Duke as it will get us in good grace.”

“By the way,” Normus bows down to the duke. “I am Normus T. I am of good stock with noble ties. How may I be your service”

“I am gracious to make your acquaintance, Arch Duke Shourecrox. However the mask is not for sale.” Malak states in a friendly, yet firm manner. “I see that you have many more beautiful masks…. I am sure you can have a man craft a mask in likeness to this one."

Maverick rolls her eyes and sighs and elbows Normus in the ribs, “shuddup Normus, he doesnt care.”

“He does care.” Normus begins flailing his arms. “Look at me your lordship. I am better than them. I am special. I’m a landowner. This is my property. I’m your host! I’m an equal to you.”

“Sir, I will allow you to marry my daughter and join us in the house of nobility if you can convince you’re friend to sell me his mask.” The Arch Duke says to Normus.

“Sir, that mask as far as I can tell, is part of a collection of very rare religious artifacts. That mask is one of the last two that have eluded me. It would drive me absolutely insane if an opportunity this auspicious were to pass me by.”

“Malak, I insist that you sell that mask as repayment for using the shelter of abode. Please sell it! Please!” Normus begs.

Normus then whispers to Malak: “Perhaps me getting rightfully married into nobility can help your mission, whatever it is. I’ll have even more incredible connections.”

Maverick giggles at Normus, “Just take it off his face Normus, nothing could possibly go wrong!” Maverick says eyeing him with a devilish grin, her eyes flicker red for a moment and then back to amber.

Malak steps away from Normus and the rest of group.“I regret to disappoint both of you, but this mask is not for sale at any price. You will have to accept a model for your collection. I refuse to yield. If you have no further business then with the mask, I must be off.” Malak goes to walk towards the city.

“Very well then sir. I must warn you, I can’t take the property of a foreigner, but I always get what I want.” The Arch Duke sneers. He tosses a platinum piece to Normus and hovers away, his posy following him.
Meanwhile John searches for Zmire. It is 6:45. John heads to the dock but does not see Corporeal Zmire. He is over two hours early. John dives in the water of the dock. Spot check for what may linger down there. Including money.

“Hey hold up Malak, do u got a flask or something, we should take some of the water.” Maverick calls out to Malak who has apparently started to head for town.

Normus grabs his platinum piece and follows Malak into the city, saying. “Well, buddy, you really screwed me. Didn’t you? Now it looks like we’re in it together. Tell me what this mission is.”

Malak says to Normus “You would sell your soul to be a part of a group of people who are no more valuable than those they step upon. I would recommend devoting yourself to someone or something of worth.”

To Maverick Malak responds " I have already filled my canteen, Its all I have to carry water"

Malak keeps an eye open for John but fails to find him. Malak does notice an equipment store a few feet away. The time is 7:00 am.
Malak enters the store, Spot check for decent arrow heads and anyone at the counter. Malak spots a box of Core arrow heads behind the counter, as well as a very skinny gnome.

Normus follows Malak into the store and says, "I wouldn’t sell my soul literally, but I would metaphorically but isn’t the fact that they’re still human beings but have immense power part of their appeal. If I could make my equals unequal by the sheer force of my power that’d be pretty cool!

Malak sighs and shakes his head.

He looks at the gnome in front of the counter. “How much will you give me for this?” Malak asks, displaying the cross dagger.

“Don’t purchase that cross-dagger,” Normus says. “He should give it to me for free as I’m his better and then I’ll pass it on to you.” Normus then sighs, “Or at least, that’s how it should be.”

“I’m sorry sir, but the money here is pointless to have since food is so expensive. I only except payment in the form of food. As for your shank, well…… I can give you a silver piece for it tops. I know a crazy guy who thinks he’s a paladin. I could probably sell it to him.” The Gnome says to Malak.

“As for you sir, you seem much to under dressed for traveling (As compared to your friend). I could offer you some equipment if you’d like?” The gnome says to Normus.

Malak says to the Gnome. " I’ll take the silver piece thank you." He says and hands him the cross. “I shall return with the currency you prefer.” Malak says.

After payment is done, Malak exits the store and makes his way to the place where John G. bought food.

Normus says to the gnome, “I won’t buy anything from you, scum!”

Normus follows Malak. As Normus is leaving, the shop keeper smashes him in the head with a beer bottle. Normus takes 1 damage.

Maverick strokes her thumb motherly over Mary’s hand, “Yes and u stay away from people like that….especially Normus.” Maverick grows bored of the shop and decides to peak into the church she saw earlier for a moment. “Say, Mary, have you ever been to church?”

“Yes. The Guards said if I wasn’t Christian, they would kill me and I would go to hell.”

Maverick frowns at the little girl, “It’s a shame u were forced into such a beautiful thing, come on lets go pray before we meet up with the others.”

As maverick enters the church, she sees that the entire interior is made out of gold. The entire church is bejeweled and endowed with a bronze statue that spits whine.

A man wearing priest vestments walks up to Maverick with a collection basket.

Maverick smile at the priest, “Father we have no money to give for you or your church, please forgive us.” Maverick looks down at Mary, then to the priest, “we could use some help, if any u can provide. we are on a mission from the Heavenly Father, forgive that details must be disclosed. May u help us Father?” Maverick inquires graciously.

“How may I help you child?” The priest asks Maverick.

“Any blessings, items that defend against the forces of evil or useful traveling items would be a great request. and food and bandages for this child here. Anything u can spare, we will be forever in debt to your and the Lord’s holy name!”

“I’m sorry, but for my assistance, I require a donation, in the form of a small child, I had assumed that is why you brought the girl. As you can see, the nobles have given us plenty of money in return for absolving them of all of their sins. As for spells, god has recently decided that all magic is evil, so we aren’t allowed to do blessings anymore.” The priest says.

Mavericks face twists in rage and she spits upon the ‘priest’, “u know nothing of God!” she screams. She swoops up Mary in her arms and flies out of the church and into the streets. She begins to head toward the docks in hopes of locating her comrades….and Normus.

The time is now 7:30.

Normus hears someone call his name and goes to investigate

Meanwhile, Malak manages to find the place. He watches as several shop employees haul several dead bodies inside.

Malak (after some effort to stop himself from throwing up ) walks inside and says “give me as much good meat as this silver piece will afford me.”

The man behind the counter hands Malak 10 ozs of meat.

“We have rotten animal meat that will give you horrible anal bleeding too.”

Malak replies “No thank you,” He makes a mental note that the meat he had just bought is for currency not consumption.

Malak leaves the meat shop, and returns to the equipment shop. He asks “How much for the arrow heads?”

“Quarter of an ounce of any food group each.”
(Core is a new supernatural material of my own invention. It is actually a sample from the super dense core of the planet. It is as hard as adamantine, but twice as heavy. Being a supernatural material, It makes any weapon made out of it masterwork (+1) but it also gives all weapons made out of it fire energy quality as well (1 damage of fire energy. Adding these on to your arrows would give them +1 to hit and 2 damage).)
“You look scraped for cash, and I do have these crappy tin arrow heads that I was going to throw out, I could give those to you for free, as long as you buy some Core arrow heads.”

Malak says “Thank you. I’ll take 20 core arrow heads, which ought to be 5 oz of meat.”
Malak drops 5 oz of meat on the counter. “How much is rope and a grappling hook and medical supplies?”

The gnome at the counter swings a box of sixty crappy tin arrow heads onto the counter, then hands Malak the 20 Core heads.
“I can give you a small Med kit for an ounce, a grappling hook for 3 ozs, but rope’s expensive. Rope will cost you a pound. We also got potions too.”

“Thank you.” Malak says. “What type and kind of potions do you have?” He inquires.

“Well, we got molotov potions, we got smoke bombs, we got healing potions, we got bowl buster liquid (Poison), Cat’s Grace potion (Increases ranged accuracy. Temp), we got jump’en potions, and we got hidin’ potions (Animals and undead). They’re all quarter pound.”

Malak purchases a few potions. After recieveing the items that he has paid for Malak goes to the docks.

As John climbs out of the harbor he sees Corporal Zmire

“Mr Corpral man. Did you eat? NO me no care we eat breakfast now or never again in our lives. Come let we leave here because it smell of bad fish and rich swine.” John throws his arm around Zimires and leads him away from the dock. "any place good around here?

“Oh John, hello. You’re here early. Hungry, huh? Well, I can get you some food at the place I spent the night. Maybe we can even get some for the road. Wait. Where’s Maverick and Malak?” Corporal Zmire asks.

John shrugs.“So smelly man i feel like we never talk no more.what number of offspring who wiffe. tell john about feelings.” john says as him and the corpral are walking.

“John, I met you two days ago, of course we don’t talk.” Corporal Zmire says raising an eyebrow

On Maverick’s way to the docks, she catches the back end of Malak, heading towards the dock. Even more strange, she sees Normus, hunched over talking to someone under a large pile of wood. Maverick sneaks over to listen in on the conversation

Normus picks up the talking helmet and places it on his head and then says, “Well, sir. I would love to take up your proposition and show those slobs who’s their boss! They are filth. I am an individual of proper standing, though, highly proper standing.”

Maverick doesn’t manage to hear what the two are saying, but she watches Normus drag a shiny silver helmet studded with sapphires out of the pile. He places the helmet on his head.

“I know you,” Normus says to Maverick. “What are you doing here? What are you looking at too?”

Maverick glares at Normus, “Thank you for pointing out the obvious. I am questioning the sanity of my fellow comrade who appears to be talking to a helmet.” she hmphfs and walks towards the docks. “You stay away from him Mary u hear me?” Maverick whispers.

“Keep that thing away from me.” Normus points at the child.

“She thinks ur icky anyways,” Maverick retorts

Malak reaches the docks and searches for rope at the docks to fit the grappling hook that he just purchased

Malak finds some rope on the dock that matches his hook perfectly. As he is picking it up, a large hairy man with a unicorn tattoo on his right arm stomps up behind him.
“What do you think you’re doing with my boat tether?”

Malak turns to the man. “Simply examining the quality of the rope my good man,” (bluff check) “Where did you purchase such material, and for how much?”

“Sure you were.” The man says sarcastically. “I got MINE from the dock shop.” he says pointing to a large shed-like building.

" So I see… thank you for your time good sir." Malak states and moves to leave towards the dock shop.

The man stares angrily a Malak as he walks away, then turns back to whatever he was doing.

“So, Maverick can you tell me just what this mission you’re on is about? I can contribute. I am important.” Normus asks

Maverick shrugs. “It’s not my mission to reveal, im just….obliged to help. And no, u are not important.” Maverick says poking her finger into his chest.

“Quiet, woman,” Normus says. “One day you’ll be sorry for these insults you’ve directed at me. One day you’ll see the truth about your place in this land.”

Maverick rolls her eyes. “Sure, whatever. Let’s get going soon please?” she mumbles to herself in tongues “and maybe he can ‘accidently’ drown on the way??”

“Whatever you feel is right Maverick. We still don’t fully know what we are dealing with.” The churub says.

As the three are walking, Maverick doesn’t notice that they have reached the docks. She walks by the boat shop, and crashes into Malak.
“Hey Maverick…” Malak says… “I thought I asked you to stay off the Blagor…" he says .
Maverick sits up on the ground a bit dazed, “the wa?…never mind I don’t care what u mean. Sorry, wasn’t paying attention…” she looks over to Normus, “I had….other things on my mind.” she pulls herself to her feet.

“Ah there you are, you creepy feller….” Malak says to Normus.
Malak looks around for John G and manages to see John and the Corporal walking towards the middle ring. John and Corporal Zmire are fifty feet away from the group. Neither of the two has seen them. The time is 8:00 am.
“But we be so good friends. John want to know you.” John tells Corporal Zmire. John hugs Zmire. Its…… kind of awkward.
Malak walks up to John and Zmire.

“John…. did I just see you give the corporeal a hug?” He asks curiously.
“Oh, everyone is here……. and then some. What are all these people doing here?” The corporal asks Malak.
Maverick walks up to join the rest of the group, Mary in tow. She ducks in-between Malak and John in order to avoid standing next to Normus.
Malak says pointing to Normus “Baggage. He knows too much. I wanted to kill him, she said no" Malak then points to Maverick. Upon Malak’s finger pointing to Maverick, it drops down to point to Mary " She’s Maverick’s. Handy canary for a coalmine." he says and shrugs.
“ME NO UNDERSTAND WHAT EVERYONE SAYING! ME NO LIKE… ME NO LIKE!” John throws his fist at normus’ stomach and walks away. He mumbles to himself something about nerfs and starts to walk to the deck.
“I’m not sure the kid is a good idea. First off, She’ll slow us down. Second, I don’t want to be held accountable for when she gets hurt. Third… she’s just a kid! Doesn’t she have parents or something?" Zmire says. “And you. You’ve seen too much, huh? I have orders to terminate anyone who gets wise to what we’re doing.” The corporal says to Normus, unholstering his paddle. As Zmire takes an aggressive step towards Normus, a stocky human with a ludicrously swirly mustache stalks up behind the corporal and clears his throat very loudly. The man is wearing a green and blue Ranpurrian Army uniform. Zmire whirls around and snaps to attention. “Brigadier General Muoose, SIR!”

“At ease Corporal. This must be the motley crew that the Major picked.” The General says in a gravelly voice.

“Everyone, this is Brigadier General Muoose. He is our contact for this check point. Um, Major, Sir?” Zmire says inquisitively.

“Oh, that’s right. Bonray Surolian’s been promoted. He’s Major Surolian now. What seems to be happening here?”

“Sir, this civilian has learned of our mission and is considered dangerous to our operation. I was about to silence him.” Zmire says pointing to Normus. The Brigadier General takes a long hard look at Normus.

“I know you. You’re that middle class farm manager who was convicted of those rape crimes. You got off with community service because you’re sister intervened. Corporal, this man is under the protection of the royal family. Sadly, even I don’t have the authority to have him put down, and this is a much too crowded place to do it quietly. Just take him with you. Do it at knife point if you have too. Just don’t kill him. If anything should happen on the mission, he died in service of his country.” Muoose says.

“I’ll fill you in on the mission on the boat.” Zmire says to Normus.

“Well, if everyone’s ready, the boat is. You’re all luck, the next couple of miles is glade, so we can set you up with a fan boat. They go much faster than paddles. Good luck, god speed.” Muoose says waving as he walks away.

“Crap in a hat…” The Corporal sighs. “I guess since we’re here we can get going early. At least we can get moving ahead of schedule. Everyone ready?”

WAIT!” john gives Normus the x-ray monocle and a gold ring studded with emeralds. He gives Maverick a jeweled terra. Malak the angel band and a flame dagger. John puts on the dragon god scale as spikes jut out of his back. “We ready to go now.” John replies

Normus puts on the monocle and gold ring, using the monocle to stare through the clothes of Maverick. He then says, “Thank you in advance for filling me in on the mission, Zmire. And by the way fellers, I don’t like the negative way you’ve discussing me. I deserve more respect than that. I won metaphorically speaking!”

Malak looks at Normus “Welcome to the gang then,” He says “However, respect comes from the merit of your actions… earn it.”

To Zmire he says “Well, Mary is Maverick’s responsibility, take it up with her. I wanted to get rope for this grappling hook but, I guess it can wait. I’m good to go.”

Malak does a Craft check to attach the 13 core arrowheads to the 13 darkwood arrow’s with stone arrowheads.
Malak flawlessly places the new arrowheads onto the darkwood arrows. (+2 darkwood/core arrows. Fire enchanted)
Malak does an appraise check on the angel band: Angel band Wearer sprouts white wings that allow them to fly at their base land speed. (Wings disappear when taken off.)

Maverick rips the monocle off of Normus’ eye and waves it at John, “u gave the fucking perv x-ray spects??!” Maverick grumbles a bit and then sincerely thanks him for the tiara.

Maverick turns to Zmire “Zmire i promise ill keep her out of the way. I can’t leave her behind, she’s my baby now. I’ll take care of her and well u kinda need me since I seem to be the only one here who can do any sort of spells at all. So if Mary goes, I go too.” Maverick pulls Mary close to her side.

Zmire simply stares at Maverick. “Let me tell you something Maverick, If this girl is important to you, say so, but don’t you dare threaten this mission. Major Surolian is the one chance this god forsaken country has to regain sanity. I will defend his vision to the death. I will have no qualms with shooting defectors on sight, am-I-clear?” Zmire says with a level of menace that defies his usual manner.

Maverick rolls her eyes, “Whatever, sure sure dont threaten the mission.” she says exasperatedly then under her breath, “stupid governments….grumble, grumble

He turns to Normus and says "Mr. Normus T, you have been drafted by the Ranpurrian army to serve your king and country. Your mission is to assassinate the leader of a terrorist group plotting a hostile rebellion that threatens the nobility not only in the capital, but the entire country. They plan to overthrow the government and replace it with a militant anarchist regime. Our final destination is Zula, and our target goes by the alias of “Ringgar”. The reward for Ringgar’s capture or termination is a substantial sum of money and the favor of the king himself”.

“We can’t have the nobility threatened,” says Normus. “I will serve.”

Normus tries to regain his monocle with a sleight of hand; and succeeds in retrieving it from Maverick. “Aha.” Normus puts the monocle back on and begins looking through the clothing of the young girl by Maverick and in his peripheral vision, a bit of Maverick.

Maverick turns on her heal and strikes Normus in the face, “knock ur shit off!”

Normus puts the glasses away. “Very well.” Normus says. “I’ll give you this indulgence for now. For now.”

Maverick steps past Normus onto the boat, Mary in tow.

“Okay, enough of this screwing around. Everyone on the boat.” The corporal escorts everyone onto what looks like a miniature Galleon ship {17’ by 9’} with several large enchanted fans bolted to the back facing upward towards the large sail sticking up from the center of the boat. The boat has room for eight people (Plus what looks like space underneath). A metal grate on the floor of the boat rattles, and the boat by pops up from under it.


He then sinks back down into the bowls of the ship.

“He’s related to the last boat driver we had. He will be operating the ship.” As everyone steps onto the boat, Zmire notices John slipping into the water. "Hang on John, this boat moves a lot faster than the last one. You’re going to have to ride with if you want to keep up.

John gets on the boat and gives a quick sniff. “Tat weird. It don’t smell like alcohol more like burning powder? Do this boat man snort powder?”

As John clamors over the side, corporal Zmire unhitches the boat from the dock. He swings the rope on deck, then hops up himself. As the boat pulls away from the dock, a tremendous explosion rocks the starboard side of the boat. Everyone is flung from the boat in the horrendous force of the blast.

John manages to escape with no damage thanks to his armor, thick hide, reflexes and his positioning as farthest away from the blast.

Normus as it turns out was the closest to the blast and takes 6 damage. He is bloody and close to loosing consciousness.

Malak is caught unawares by the explosion, but thanks to his reflexes, only takes 2 damage.

Maverick sees the blast coming at her in slow motion instinctively wraps her arms around Mary, shielding her from the blast. While Mary is unharmed, Maverick takes 4 damage.

Caporal Zmire is singed and literally blown back onto the dock, taking 5 damage. Miraculously, he manages to stand up and brush himself off.

Several Royal guards gather on the deck. They jump into the water and begin rooting around searching for something. As Malak stands up, they all rush towards him

“OH SIR! You look terrible; we must get you medical attention! We must take this mask off to make sure that you are alright!” One of them cries.

Maverick instructs Mary to stay still.

Maverick addresses the guards, “No please, please, i am a nurse i can care for him myself. by his condition i would say removing the mask at this moment in time could cause a displacement in his skull from the blast he has taken, please do not touch him!!” Maverick says swooping over Malak. Bluff check.

The guards ignore Maverick.

“Take the mask off him,” Normus whipers to the guards. “You need to give it to one of the nobles. That’s imperative.”

SHUT UP YOU!” Malak roars at Normus

STAY AWAY FROM MY MASK” Malak yells…. taking out his knife

He steps back and says to Zmire “I don’t trust these men!”

He says to Maverick “Thank you for your concern Maverick, but my mask protected my face.”

Maverick slaps her forehead, “No shit Malak, I was only trying to help,” she grumbles, “you are soooo welcome!”

Corporal Zmire swings the repeating crossbow off his back and chucks an ammo cartridge into the slot and aims at the crowd of guardsmen.

“Get the hell out of here ya vultures!” He barks. The guards mutter angrily to themselves, then file out of the water and back to their posts. Several military personnel come running over with buckets of water and blankets. Once the soldiers see that nothing but the smoldering pieces of what used to be a boat are on fire, they drop the buckets and head to a nearby supply shed. Normus has continued to bleed and has taken an additional 1 damage. He is at 2 life. His vision is getting fuzzy.

Several soldiers help Maverick, John, Mary, and Normus out of the water and dry them off with the blankets. The other soldiers return from the shed with bandages. They wrap the injured wounds. Everyone gets one hit point back (Unless you were already at full) and Normus has been stabilized. Just then Brigadier general Muoose pushes through the crowd.

“What the hell happened here!? Some one answer me!”

“Sir, there has been an unidentified explosion off of the side of our ship. No one was killed but it injured some of my men. Our boat was annihilated.” The corporal says staggering to a salute.

The Brigadier general eyes a Royal guard with an incredible amount of suspicion.

“I don’t know what you’re team did to piss off the nobles, but I can say for certain that they won’t last long if they stay here. Take my personal boat. Get out of here now.” Muoose says leaning in to the corporal. He leads the group to a ship similar to the last one. However, this one is larger, with a single cannon in the middle of the main deck, bolted to a revolving turret. The boat is painted green and blue and fly’s a Ranpurrian flag at the top of the mast.

“I’ll see if I can wrestle up an engineer for the controls…”

“That won’t be necessary, sir. I’ve had training in operating a fan-boat, and I am capable of operating the ship myself.” Zmire says.

“Well then, get a move on.” The Brigadier General says.

Everyone scrambles onto the boat and casts off.

Malak notices a length of rope on the deck that would fit his grappling hook.

Zmire swings under the deck, and the boat begins to hum. The fans begin to flap, and the boat quickly picks up speed.

Malak picks up the rope and puts it in his bag.

“What the fuck was that Normus?” Malak demands. “It sounded like you were against us.
If you want my protection I need to be sure you won’t stab me in the back.”

After John recovers from the shock of the explosion john starts to sway and turn green. “Me no feel so good.” then keels over the boat and vomits a little.

Maverick uses her ring to heal herself and then Malak and John.

Then she turns to Normus, “yes are you for us or against us, cuz if u plan to stab us in our backs figuratively, u can be sure the favor will be returned by one of us quite literally….ignorant prick.”

“I’m totally on your side.” Normus smiles. “I thought Malak didn’t need the mask anymore. After all, it’s just an ugly mask.”
Malak glares at Normus untrustingly. Malak looks towards Normus and says, “I have something that you want. This mask is far more important to me than THIS (flashes lift key to palace). If you want the lift key, you can have it, but NOT until this quest is over.”
The boat glides along on the water when suddenly, the fans stop.

“God Damnit!” Zmire yells bursting up from the under carriage of the ship. “The fan belt is broken. Fortunately there’s a lizard folk settlement near here. They probably have a junk shop. We’re going to need volunteers to get out and push, and volunteers to paddle.”

There is a large sand bar twenty meters to the left side of the boat. The water is waist deep, and leads to a large group of Darkwood trees (Presumably where the lizard folk settlement is). Fifty feet to the right side of the boat, several Goblins chase a large wild boar. The boar has been severely wounded, and the goblins are exhausted. No one has eaten today, and everyone is starving.

Malak takes out his rope and grappling hook.

(Common Knowledge, Normus: Pork is considered one of the rarest delicacies in Ranpurre, because of the nobles jealous hoarding of all high quality foods in the country. For one taste of ham, bacon Etc, peasants will literally do anything. Meat such as this is a symbol of wealth.)

John stares at the boar with lust and hunger. Saliva dripping down the side of his mouth he jumps out of the boat and runs/swims to the boar “Foooooooooooooooooood.” (Move silently check and hide check to hunt the boar.) As soon as john gets close enough he jumps out of the water and attacks the boar by biting it in the neck ignoring the goblins.

John Explodes through the water, leaving a white cloud of mist behind him as he move like a rocket towards the goblins and the Pig. All four creatures stop and stare at the pointy, screaming, bloodthirsty, giant lizard hurtling towards them at terrifying speed. Two of the goblins simply drop their weapons and run. One is so paralyzed with fear that he simply stands there voiding his bowels. John launches out of the water, clearing nearly ten feet in the air, then lands on the boar with a sickening crunch. The boar takes 1 damage. John rears his head back, hissing like a cobra, and sinks his teeth into the boar’s neck. The boar takes 2 damage. the boar attempts to shake john off, but it is too tired. It takes 1 damage from blood loss. As the goblin stands in one place stunned with fright, it suddenly sinks into the shallow water of the sand bar and vanishes.

John attempts to bite the boars head clean off by ripping away at the neck with nothing but his teeth and claws.

John Rips the head clean off the boar. (It is dead now.)

Suddenly John sees several black tentacles with spotted rings rise up from the water.

John attempts to grab the carcass and run to safety with it.

An enormous monstrosity rises from the muddy depths of the darkened water. A large crocodile like head with a mouth dips out of the brine, followed by a large swollen scaly black and yellow body. Four thin, spider-like legs with a single razor sharp talon elevate the body six feet into the air, reveling that the body itself is ten feet long and covered in long grasping tentacles. The beast takes so long to surface, however that john manages to limp back to the boat with his boar in tact. The corporal helps john haul the pig on deck.
“The fuck is that thing?” The corporal says hauling his repeating crossbow up from under the deck.
The creature shambles towards the boat at first, then charges the ship like a wild horse.

John grabs his great club and screams “HOLD YOUR FOUR LEGGED CREACHERS OF WHICH YOU RIDE UPON.” and braces for impact.

Malak curses in elven and slips on the Angel’s Band and grabs Mary. Malak’s wings burst out of his back in a brilliant flourish of rust colored feathers.

He takes flight from the boat and lands on the sand bar dropping off the little girl, landing on the sand bar to get a solid footing. He takes out his bow and fires a darkwood arrow (core arrow head).

The beast slams into the side of the ship, throwing Normus overboard. The monster gropes its numerous tentacles around the ship until it manages to lay touch on Maverick. It almost instantaneously wraps the entire arm around her and begins crushing her. She takes 2 damage. The beast slowly brings her to its mouth, when an arrow slams into the creature’s head. There is an extraordinary burst of fire and the monster screams in pain with an incredibly shrill shrieking. It takes 4 damage and 1 fire. The beast drops Maverick. The corporal blasts a full cartridge into the beast, dealing 6 damage. Once he’s out he drops below deck. The monster grabs john by the arm with its mouth, but can’t crack the armor John is wearing. The monster suck the arm guard right off john, then spit’s it into the water after realizing it’s not meat.

Normus attempts to swim to the coast near where the pig was killed, hoping to grab a bite. “Too bad about that crocodile.”

Normus only finds blood. A tentacle lashes out and grabs him by the ankle. Normus is dragged under water. Just as Normus thinks he’s about to drown, the monster yanks him back to the surface and dangles him over its mouth it releases Normus and swallows him whole. (Normus is still alive, but is stuck in the creature’s stomach. Every action the monster takes deals one Acid damage to Normus)

Malak fires another darkwood arrow at the beast and John again attempts to attack the creature with his greatclub.

Maverick aims her rod for the beast and says the prayer of the Falling Comet, aiming just above the beast’s stomach.

Malak’s arrow zooms through the air and collides with the side of the monster’s head. It deals another total 5 damage. John smashes his great club into the creature’s tentacles, dealing 3 damage.

Suddenly, the door to the under carriage of the ship flys open and the corporal busts out swinging his paddle. He duck and weaves through the tentacles to get close enough to the head. He winds up and bashes the beast with all his might, dealing 3 damage.

The monster gropes around the deck and manages to get a tentacle around Maverick’s leg, tripping her. It quickly drags her towards its mouth and wastes no time swallowing her whole. As she is sliding down the creature’s throat, she utters her prayer for the comet. A small burning rock streaks out of the sky and strikes the monster in the back dealing 5 fire damage. The Monster shrieks and grabs Zmire, dealing 2 damage. Maverick and Normus take 1 damage. The monster then back hands John with one of its tentacles, knocking him to the ground. John takes 2 damage. Maverick and Normus each take 1 damage. Normus and Maverick are bloody. Normus is unconscious.

Maverick uses her mace to start bashing through the beast’s stomach and head toward the heart to crush it. As she does so she says prayers of healing for her and Normus both. She swings her mace and makes the sign of the cross twice.

John gets up and yells “URRRGGG! You pay for that inbread beast.” and attacks with his great club.

Maverick bashes and bashes, but nothing happens. The monster’s stomach is immune to blunt trauma.

The beast crunches Zmire for another 2 damage. He is now bloody.

John leaps into the air and lands on the monster’s head. He beats his great club against its skull with all of his might, dealing 3 damage.

Malak takes flight into the air, and fires 2 darkwood arrow at the monster. (multishot)

As Malak releases the arrows, John manages to spot him in an event that seems to take place in slow motion. John leaps off of the Monster’s head just as both arrows find their mark in the monster’s sweet spot. It pauses, screams, convulses violently, and then finally sinks back into the dark water, taking Maverick and Normus with it.

Maverick notices that the monster’s stomach has begun to fill with water.

Normus tries to become conscious. In his dreams, he wants to blame the group for his getting swallowed.

Normus has failed to regain consciousness. While the water has diluted the beast’s stomach acid, the entire cavity is almost filled with water.

John throws his great club away and grabs his sickle as he yells to Malak “Help corporal!” and heroically dives into the water. Spot check for the monster.

Malak turns and grabs Mary, he leaps into the air and flies to the fan boat. He removes the angel band. He runs below deck. Spot check for medical supplies.

Maverick firmly grabs a hold of Normus and tries to climb up the monsters large and long esophagus.

Malak manages to find a few clean linen bandages.

In the dark water, John manages to find the monster and grab a hold of its corpse. With every last ounce of strength in his scaly body, John hauls the cadaver to the surface and manages to cling onto the side of the ship with his claws.

Inside the monster, it is too dark to see, and maverick can’t seem to find the esophagus. She does find the half digested bodies of several other people (Some carrying magic Items). The water has stopped flooding the stomach, but is not draining.

ROOOOOPE!” John yell in desperation as he tries to maintain hold of the corpse of the beast fearing for his friends lives.

Search for and collect all items and scream like crazy for john to help “IM GETTING REALLY TIRED OF THIS ONLY HALF ABLE TO DO MAGIC THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The corporal picks himself up, spits blood, then wheezes,

“Where the fuck is the damn rope that was sitting on the deck before!?”

Malak emerges topside. He throws the bandages to Zmire and throws the rope to John “Grab hold” he yells.

As Zmire bandages his wounds John and Malak Haul the body on deck while John ties the body to the mast. John slices into the beast with his sickle. He butchers his way to the stomach and Maverick and Normus spill out. In addition, a good amount of gold and Items from the bodies of dead humanoids fall out as well.

Malak grabs as much gold as he can. Appraise check on nearest magical items. Malak uses his med kit on Maverick

Malak grabs a total of 673 gp (More in the monster) in assorted gold and platinum coins. He also finds a 1 luck dagger, 4 healing potions(5 hp), a hide from undead potion, an Enlarge person potion, a canister of oil of truth, a ring of jumping (5 feet), A mage hand scroll, bracers of archery (+1), and a set of pipes of the sewers. The rest of the treasure is unidentifiable.

Black Cloak with red flames embroidered on the bottom
Weird suit of full plate armor
Rusty Chain Shirt
Yellow Goggles
5 glass beads
A green wide brimmed hat
A silver embroidered blue Vest
A silver snuff box
Core Saber
Adamantine Ring

Current group hit points
Malak: Full (11)
Maverick: Full (11)
John: 9
Normus: 1 (Unconscious)
Zmire: 5

Light hammer
Ball Bearing
Hand axe
Light Pick
20 Darts

Useful Objects
Utility belt
Edge Bane
Flasks x3
Chain (Ten feet)
Steel Mirror
Small Iron Pot
lock pick kit
Jester’s outfit
Black leather great coat
Burglar Cat Suit


Utility Belt: Leather belt with several pouches for storing weapons, tools, small objects, and potions. Like a spell component pouch but better! Batman approved.

Oil of Truth: If rubbed on any part of a person’s body, they are compelled to truthfully answer any question asked to them.

Pipes of the Sewers: When played, allows the piper to summon a swarm of rats to do their bidding. The piper controls the rats until they stop playing. If the player fails the Preform check (Pipes) The rats will still be summoned, but they will attack the player.

Edge Bane: A new type of poison that was invented specifically for slashing and/or periceing weapons. Whenever a target is dealt damage by the poisoned weapon, they are stunned for one round. The poison cannot be ingested (No Effect). The poison lasts on the weapon for five hits or ten days.

“Hey, as there is plenty of gold to go around. why don’t we divy the items up fair and square so Normus can defend himself and we all get a fair chance at the objects.” Malak says. “I am interested in the following items, I am willing to barter, and if we are working together it’s pointless for us to fight amongst ourselves for items. Let us follow the example John set for us this morning.”

1 luck dagger,
4 healing potions(5 hp),
a hide from undead potion,
an Enlarge person potion,
a canister of oil of truth,
a ring of jumping (
5 feet),
A mage hand scroll,
bracers of archery (+1),
a set of pipes of the sewers.
Black Cloak with red flames embroidered on the bottom
Core Saber
Utility belt
Flasks x3
Chain (Ten feet)
Steel Mirror
lock pick kit

“Guys, just remember we need to move the boat. That’s priority #1. Divide up the treasure and get to it.Normus is hurt badly, we have to find a healer in the village. Hell, we need to eat to.” The Corporal Says staggering to the center of the boat. His hand lands on the cannon and an aggravated look comes across his face. He reaches his arm inside and turns to the group.
“Why the hell didn’t anyone think to use the damn cannon. The thing’s fucking loaded.”

“Yes me knew that. But what fun be that if we use cannon and not fists! I think ……. OH DRAGON GOD THAT UGLY GUY BE PRETTY MUCH DEAD! WHAT HELL MATTER WITH YOU SMELL ZOIDS! SOMEBODY F***CKING HEAL HIM AND GIVE HIM A WEAPON AND A NERF FOR DRAGON GODS SAKE!” john yells very obviously seeing that even though Malak has healing potions he decides not use them. “but other than that me want the yellow goggles the snuff box, ring of jumping, and net.” John then nods.

“I was just getting to healing the little bastard, don’t you worry ‘bout ’im” Malak kneels down and pours a healing potion down his throat muttering something in elven. “That should be enough to keep him before he rests for the night. If we have trouble he can get a second. Maybe Maverick will feel merciful.”

Normus regains consciousness.

“Here John, i can already fly. Malak gives john the ring of jumping.

“Maverick this’ll be more useful for you then me.” Malak gives Maverick the mage hand scroll. “While I’m at it.” Malak says he gives the luck dagger to Normus and he gives the enlarge person potion to John.

Mage Hand: (For Sam’s reference) Telekinesis spell. Allows you to move things with your mind. Object must be within 20 ft. and must weigh 5 lbs or less.

The time is 4:30

“Where am I?” Normus asks. “What’s going on? This is a conspiracy here. That Maverick! She’s no good at all!”Normus puts his x-ray monocle back on and begins looking at Maverick.
Normus takes the silver-embroidered vest and puts it on. “Ah, hah. I always wanted something of this nature.”

Normus also puts on the green-wide brimmed hat. “Now I look even classier.”
As Normus puts on the vest and hat, he begins to feel an unbearable cold sensation. He takes 1 ice damage.

“Ah,” Normus takes off the vest and hat. “It’s so cold!”

Maverick claims:
5 glass beads
Adamantine Ring
Black leather great coat
Burglar Cat Suit
Edge Bane

John puts all of his stuff in a semi neat pile and points to it and says “MINE” for everyone’s benefit and proceeds to hop over the boat and begins to push toward the village of his kin.

As the ship drifts into the large veiled grove, the group sees several wood and grass huts supported on long dark wood poles above the the water. Several lizard folk, all shirtless (The women don’t have mammary glands people, they’re reptiles) stare in awestruck wonder as the boat with the monster tied to it drifts in. Some start clapping.

“Hey Malak, hand me your rope and grappling hook. I can read a little Draconic, And I’m pretty sure that sign say General Store.” The corporal says pointing to a large sign hanging over a random hut.

Malak puts on the archery bracers and the utility belt. He attaches his potions to the belt and hands his grappling hook to Zmire
John jumps back on the boat eats some of the boar then rips the tooth off the sublioth and attempts to hollow it out in the form of a horn. (craft check, a horn as in the kind you blow into).
The corporal manages to hook the rope onto a tree near the store, and then pulls the boat up next to the Hut. He gathers the rope and hands it back to Malak.
“I’ll be in there getting the fan belt. Feel free to look around, or come with me.” He says hopping off the boat. "That treasure must be burning a hole in your pockets.”

John fails to make the horn successfully. His Sublioth-tooth horn kind of sucks.

Maverick uses the spade to cut off pieces of meat for her and Mary alike. “What now guys?”

Maverick finds a place below deck to change into the stealth suit and the great coat.

Normus picks up the hand axe and puts on the full plate armor. He takes 1 ice damage.

“Maverick, I beg you; please help me take this cursed vest off.” Normus says to her. Maverick notices that his speech doesn’t match his lip movement.

Maverick comes up from below deck, dressed in her new attire. She sees Normus in the predicament and shouts to the others “no, one touch him. Something is wrong! That suit of armor and that helmet on his head are cursing him!! it needs to be destroyed now, no touchy touchy though.”

“Maybe we can take him into town and have a magic enchanter disenchant the items.” Malak suggests.

John does not really care for the troubles of others of which he can not change. Thus he follows the corporal into the shop while breaking off 2 more teeth. Spot check the store to see what it has.

“yes but how will we move him? no, no, too much time!!”

Maverick lays flat on the ground in adoration and begins to intensly pray for the destruction of the helmet and suit of armor. She speaks in tongues faster than any fluent person could understand.

Wait, not the helmet!" Normus bellows. “Just the vest. The helmet’s not cursed. It’s the vest!”

ohn spots a bone carver shop a few huts down. As he walks into the general store and sees a very attractive female lizard folk working the counter a long yellow plumage of golden colored feathers flow down her back, her scaly legs are sinewy and and slender, and her snout is long, slender and perfectly angled. She hisses in draconic a typical greeting, then switches to common when she notices Corporal Zmire.

“Can I help you, human?” She asks.

“Yeah, I need a new fan-belt for a G-class gv-Fanboat.” He says, holding up the shredded remains of the machine component.

The clerk girl takes the fan-belt and hisses to herself with her hand on her snout.

“Yes, yes. I can help. I have parts, much parts in the scrap bin.” She says pointing to a large barrel in the corner of the store.

The corporal nods, then heads over to the barrel to begin rummaging for parts.

“How ’bout you, *s*s*s*s*” The clerk girl say switching back to draconic to john. John sees several large crops of tobacco, rice, dryed meat, salt, spice, dark wood furniture and other wood products.

Outside, Normus says

SUGGESTION: The helm is not what needs to be destroyed, just the vest.”

Maverick is suddenly compelled to change the focus of her prayers. The Vest falls off of Normus and he stops taking Ice damage.

“What just happened!? Did Normus just Jedi Mind Trick you?!” The Cherub exclaims.

Maverick fumes to the cherub in tongues, “ITS THAT FUCKING HELMET!! ITS MESSING WITH MY BRAIN!!!! WE NEED TO DESTROY IT!!” Mavericks crosses her arms

Normus jumps off the boat and leaves into the village. He finds a group of lizardfolk who are talking amongst themselves. Normus approaches the lizard folk and tells them: “That girl Maverick” and then describes Maverick and then tells them “She’s an evil spell caster who took control of the sublioth, and ordered it into the area. She’s no good. I’ve seen the horrible awful things she’s done. We can’t trust her. We gotta dispose of her.”

Normus approaches the lizard folk: “She lies with her hideous ways. She brought that bad Soblith creature or whatever here. She’s responsible!”

Normus then runs away as fast as he can from Maverick, assuming she’ll go after him.

Meanwhile in the store,“well” John says a bit nervously in Draconic “I…I was going to get some chewing tobacco and I was wondering if such a fair maiden such as yourself would like to accompany me in order for me to make a prize out of the monster I just killed. If you will?” John puts out his tail as a gentleman lizard folk would and hisses.

“Why yes, I would love to!” she says. “You and your friends must be very powerful adventurers to have slayed a monster such as that. The entire village is grateful to you. It must be hard working with creatures who smell so badly." She says, yanking a large crop of tobacco off the ceiling. “On the house” she says handing it to John.

“Well if it isn’t any trouble.” John rolls the tobacco into a ball and plops it into his mouth fitting it into a pocket in his cheek. He walks to the store that he saw earlier and asks the store clerk to make a horn out of one of the teeth.

WAIT JOHN! Where are you going, how am I supposed to pay for these parts without the shop keeper?” Zmire exclaims
John simply places 50 gold pieces into the very attractive lizardfolk and says “Should this cover it?” and then flexes a little. But discreatly for he is still a little shigh. John askes the shop keep of the carving store how much his fee will be.
The female shop keeper nods. Zmire rolls his eyes as the two leave muttering “Horndog” as john exits.

At the Bone Carver, a very old lizard folk looks over the teeth and nods. He says

“This is quite an expensive job. I would need at least 300 gp, and that’s as low as I can go, even for a hero like yourself.” The carver says in draconic. “Although, that shiny box you are carrying should be worth at least 200 gp…”

John gives the shopkeeper the box a tooth and 50 gold pieces. “My good sir please if you will” and hands him the tooth that is to be carved. He then takes the women lizardfolk and asks her, her name.

“Well my name is john. Tell me have you ever heard of NERFS?” After a great deal of talking and lizardfolk flirting, John goes to retrieve his horn as his last action before the ship leaves

A large group of lizard folk approach the boat and begin throwing rocks at Maverick. They snarl and roar curses at her in draconic.

Maverick {{who is now very pissed off at Normus}} puts on her chain mail shirt and switches it to milath in order to prevent damage. “Please, good people of the lizard folk! i am friend among u, I travel in companionship with one of your own!! this man is vile and will rape your wives and children if u do not be very careful!!” Maverick ducks down behind the hull of the boat until she gets a reaction. She prays for a mild lightning bolt to strike Normus, half heartedly.
Malak (off the boat) does a spot check for a potions’ shop. Appraise check, on the fire brimmed cloak.
The Cloak is actually a Pyro Cloak. The wearer can use continual flame twice a day and pyrotechnics once a day.

Malak spots several lizard folk walking out of a shop with multicolored bottles. Suddenly, Mary runs up to Malak with what appears to be some sort of blond ferret.

“Um, Mr. Fire-angel, have you seen Lady Maverick? I wanted to show her my new kitty.”

Maverick tries to remove the ring with her ferret teeth. “Malak!! ITS ME!!!! ITS MAVERICK!!!!” Maverick yells praying he somehow speaks ferret. She tries and tries to gnaw at her finger with her teeth, “at least im away from the lizard people….” she grumbles gnawing sum more at her finger but the ring disappears.

Malak looks down at Mary. “As a matter of fact, No I haven’t seen Maverick in a while. That is a very cute ferret that you have there.”

Malak puts on the black cloak with the fire.

Upon hearing the ferret cries. Malak says “Mary? You’re not squeezing that ferret too hard, are you? Where did you find it?” Malak bends down on one knee and observes the ferret. Spot check for unusual ferret behavior.

Despite the fact that Mary isn’t holding the ferret very tightly, it seems to be freaking right the fuck out. “I found her on the ship.”

“Mary, you be good to that ferret ok? She doesn’t seem too happy right now… where did you find her? Did you check for Maverick at the boat?” Malak says

“I found her on the ship. I tried looking for lady Maverick, but I couldn’t find her. I thought you might have seen her. That creepy Normus guy is gone to.” Mary replies

Maverick sees her only chance; she jumps from Mary onto Malak and begins to freak out. She jumps off Malak and onto the dirt ground and with her nails quickly scratches out “please help me!”

John takes his new found battle horn/trophy and blows into it as hard as he can and yells “ALLL BE ABORD! NOW! BE SWIFT OR DRAGON GOD BE ANGERED AND WILL EAT YOU!”

John walks up to Malak and Mary and asks “where smelly woman? Oh tasty snack.” John grabs the ferret on the ground and begins to put it in his mouth with his rows of razor sharp teeth.

“Whoa! whoah! JOHN STOP!!!!” Malak yells finally fitting the pieces together, “That’s Maverick!!!!!!!”

John pauses for a second and says “no silly this snack smells tasty not like friend.” he then continues to fit the ferret into his mouth.
“NO JOHN!!! SHE WAS TRANSFORMED WITH MAGIC!” Malak yells. Malak using ‘burning palms’ grabs John’s snout, holding open John’s jaws long enough to allow the ferret to escape.

John takes 1 fire damage.

John hisses and starts to spaz on the ground howling in discomfort yelling a rainbow of curses in draconic. “WHAT FUCK!” he attempts to stomp on the ferret for it was the reason for his pain and still does not get that the ferret is Maverick.

JOHN STOP!!!!!” Malak yells, he attempts to grapple the ferret.

Malak grapples the ferret. It continues to royally freak out.

Mary runs up to john grabs him by the waist. “Please don’t eat my kitty!”

John continues to rub his snout and says “Whatever stupid humans me go look for other stupid human.” Spot check for Normus

John sees Normus spreading Anti-maverick Propaganda on the other side of the village. John grabs him by the collar and drags him toward the boat and yells “LETS GO!”

Maverick squirms about in Malak’s palm. “I DONT WANNA BE A FERRET!!!! we must find a spell caster asap! and don’t u ever let Normus get a hold of me like this, he’s trying to KILL ME!!”

Malak looks at the ferret and says “Ok, Maverick just calm down i’ll get back to normal.”
he puts the ferret on his shoulder.

“John! do you know if there is a spell caster in town. I will be prepared to leave as soon as I finish my business with one.”

Gather information check for an enchanter’s shop.

“No now get on ship before john make you!” John shouts, still frustrated about his nose.

John Finally grabs everyone one, drags them back to the ship. The caporal kicks open the hatch to the below deck and revs the ship into movement. As the ship glides throgh the water, It runs towards a figure floating in the water.

Tom wakes up naked in a large swamp. The water is very cold, and the sun is beginning to set. He feels something brush up against his leg. He notices that several large crocodiles are eying him from a nearby sand bar. He suddenly sees a large boat hurtling towards him.

Thomas Hanks, as he prefers to be called for the remainder of this role playing session unless otherwise stated, waves his arms in the air trying to get the boat’s attention
Malak speaks to Zmire “Tell me, that our next stop is a city of some kind… because Maverick as a ferret is not helpful to our cause.”
“Well I don’t know, for some reason having her as a ferret suddenly sounds good. I… Don’t…. know…. why.” He says in a voice unlike his usual.
“HEY! There’s some random guy in the water!” The corporal says, peeking out of the grate.

Malak as an half-elf ranger has the capability to cast “Wild Empathy” allowing him to speak to animals a few times a day. Besides Malak,(who can understand her) everyone else hears her Ferrety cries as just squeaks. (Also when Malak speaks to her, he does so in squeaks)
‘Wild Empathy’ to Maverick Malak says “How the fuck did you become a ferret?”

“You see Malak, Normus put this bright idea in my head to put on an enchanted ring. i however, did not know that this enchantment of sorts would makes me a DAMN FERRET!!!! how the fuck is a ferret useful except for maybe Normus’ sick phallic fantasies….” Maverick ferret shudders, which is similar to a human shudder only it’s a lot cuter.
“Maverick are you saying that, that helmet is controlling minds? Zmire did act rather oddly…” Malak says rather alarmed
“yes, that helmet has some sort of mind control powers. i was praying in adoration for both to be destroyed when a voice that wasnt exactly Normus’s voice told me ‘no just destroy the vest!’ and my mind automaticly switched what it was doing without me controling it! my cherub guardian says its dark magic.” Maverick says to Malak in ferret.
“I am in no way sexually attracted to ferrets,” Normus interrupts as he tries to pet Maverick. “You’re a Sibolith trainer. I was told so.”
“What???” Malak says “Maverick doesn’t know how to train crap, she’s a spell caster not a druid. And if she were controlling it why would it eat its master?” Malak argues
“Look, Malak. I just don’t want any trouble. None of you better stifle me because I’m going to do great things and there are many things I deserve, rightfully so. Just don’t give me any trouble. You can keep that ferret women for know. Just give me no trouble. Don’t let any agendas work against me, Malak. I’m not in this for joking around.” Normus begins acting all serious and pointing his finger.
Malak looks at Normus and suspiciously says " Yea, sure, whatever, Normus"
“And who the heck is in the water???” Malak asks
He flails his arms in the air.
As John sees this guy he decides since maverick is gone we might as well pick him up. So he leans over the boat and grabs him and hoists him up. “This human no smell too bad. Smell like swamp. ME LIKE!” John then goes to hug this new found stranger.
Malak turns to Zmire and asks “Where’s our next check point?”
“Well, we’re stopping at a small island 6 miles from the next city. There’s a small military sentry tower on the island, but we’re still going to have to sleep outside. They will also supply us with our own boat, the Brigadier General wants his back (and it’s not like we used the fucking cannon).” Zmire says grabbing Malak’s travel blanket from his bag. He throws it around tom. “You okay? What happened?”
“I don’t remember anything” Thomas Hanks contemplates. “I only remember being in the swamp and then being let aboard this wonderful vessel” Thomas Hanks starts gnawing on the sleeves of the coat and asks politely if he could have something to eat.
The Time is 6:00 pm. 30 minutes till sun set.
“The night is young,” Normus declares. “Very young. We should rest up. Can you get us prostitutes, Zmire or Malak? Is there a spell we can use to summon them perhaps? We should also get some grain shavings to eat.”
“I have no way to get you women for your pleasure, Normus.” Malak states.

He does a spot check to see if the moon and sun are out simultaneously. The sun and moon are not out at the same time . A small island slowly drifts into view in the twilight.


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