Crocodile Tears

Day 6

Revolutions and Secrets

The next morning, Maverick awakens to the sight of Izla biting the end of her staff.

“Done.” She says simply.

Normus wakes up outside, hungry. He spent the night with Zmire and the Turtles.

John wakes up, streches around a bit and checks to see how many jars of venom he filled. If he filled more that he should of then he takes one for himself. John checks his turtle even though he is probably doing nothing. As a wakeup call for everyone john blows his battle horn. When everyone is ready to leave John puts the bit back in his turtles mouth. (John did partake in the cow and eats whatever is left over the next morning)
Malak rises and stretches. He goes on one knee and says " I thank thee sun for rising this morn."

As Malak passes McLovin he says “Here this’ll be of more use to you than to me, although I suggest asking Maverick for a weapon I think she has some.” Malak gives McLovin his luck dagger.

Malak says to Izla, ”thank you very much for feeding us and allowing us to spend the night.” He bows in an eleven manner of thanks.
“Oh, this reminds Izla…” The lizard woman says tossing Malak a 50 ft bundle of spider silk rope. The gives John a jar of sider venom. “You have much balls for milking spider. Izla impressed.” She also hands Maverick back her staff. “Take care of little dragon.”

Maverick’s staff is now a puppet weapon.

Malak thanks Izla for the rope and exits to check on the turtles.

JOHN PROUD LIZARD FOLK! JOHN NO AFRAID!” he says. Then whispers in draconic “holy shit i nearly pissed myself while doing it.” John continues to toot his own horn and goes back to his turtle.
Maverick eats of the cow and drinks. she gives appropriate portions of food to MAry and Leon as well.

Leon becomes Mavericks familiar and is reclassed as a pseudodragon. yeeeeahhhh boii!!!!

Maverick gives mary a kiss on the head and Leon a scratch on the head. “Goodmorning little doves.”

Maverick promises to care of Leon and then leaves to take care of her turtle. {{wats a puppet weapon. and gimme a weapons list of shit i have so i knw wat i can give to mclovin plz and thnx}}.
Mclovin wakes up, eats from the cow, and drinks. He thanks Malak for the luck dagger and asks Maverick for a weapon. He goes to check on his turtle.
“Izla show girl how use new staff.” The lizard woman says stepping outside with the rest of the group. As everyone exits the hut, they see a large white dog standing on the scaffolding right outside the door of the hut. It stares at Malak as he leaves with the group to check on the turtles. “You man in fancy hat, Izla apologizes in advance. Girl pull this to make strings come out, and this to put them away.” Izla says showing Maverick a secret catch string hidden in one of the groves of her carved staff.

Izla pulls the string and throws the staff in the air and spreads her arms apart, making several wide gestures with her hands. The staff seems to hover in mid air, then floats over to Normus. It uppercuts him in the jaw dealing 1 damage, then flips around and pops him in the face for another 1 damage.

“If girl get good, she can do THIS.” Izla says dropping one of her hands and twitching her fingers. The staff continues to pound the snot out of Normus dealing another 2 damage. “Strings also good for NOT hurting enemies.” Izla says yanking her hand back. The staff flys back to her and lands in her palm. She flips the staff around, and the strings fly out and entangle Normus. She twitches the staff, and the strings release Normus. She sucks the strings back into the staff and hands it to Maverick.

“Learn and use well.” She tosses a healing potion to Normus.

“Alright everyone, lets get a move on.” The corporal says popping the bit and bridal back into each turtle’s mouth. They all spring to their feet as they do.

Everyone in the group is full and sated for the day except Normus who is bordering starvation.

Malak looks toward the dog. “Come here boy!” He says. Wild empathy to talk to it. Malak asks if it is male or female.

The dog pats up to Malak and barks once. “Bacon?”

Normus seeks out some dirt to eat and then goes to the spider corral.

Normus shovels some mud into his mouth and vomits a little. He walks over to the Spider Eater corral and gets the owners attention.

“Suggestion: You will sell me a Mount for 10 gp.”

“Male, or female.” The lizard man says in a monotone.

“Does it matter? Um… female.”

The lizard in charge of the pens leads a large spider eater out of the pens and slaps a saddle on it’s back. He removes the rope, and the monster screeches loudly and bends down for Normus to climb on.

BACON!” the dog wags it’s tail and sits down next to Malak.

Malak does an anatomy check and sees that the dog is male. “Ya know what, I’m going to name you ‘Bacon’ just because u like it so much. As soon as we can get some bacon, You and I are goin to have a blast!” Malak tells the dog. Malak takes a seat on his turtle and pats the shell urging the dog to join him.

Johns ears perck up “Bacon?” He drooles a little looking around viciously. John whips the reins of his turtle signaling for it to go. “Whos a good turtle? You’re a good turtle little john!” John says in draconic. John waves izla good bye.

Normus first uses the healing potion and says “Thank you, ma’am.”

He goes on to the spider eater and then directs it to attack and kill Izla. “Die, bitch! Why’d you mess with me? I am superior to a mere whelp like you. You’ll suffer greatly from the fangs of this vile creature!”

As this happens, Normus laughs and says: “Next stop, Maverick!”

Normus suddenly reconsiders his desire to attack Maverick. “Actually no.”

After Izla’s hut is destroyed Normus leaves the remains of Izla’s hut. He decides to seek out Zmire and follow him around like a dog and beg him for food.

Bacon hops on the back to the turtle and pants excitedly.

Everyone in the group takes off (Normus speeding ahead of everyone, cause he can fly) until the last city of the journey comes into view. Verpie is a massive city, completely outshining all others in it’s displays of wealth and excellence. The capital palace isn’t just suspended on stilts, it actually HOVERS mid air, over the rest of the city, with two smaller castles standing next to it on the ground. Even though the peasants are oppressed and deprived, they look slightly less disheveled. Several vendors stand in front of broken down carts selling arbitrary wears. In addition, several slave vendors advertise their commodities.

HUMANOID SLAVES! Get your humanoid slaves here! These men and woman have signed their lives away to feed off the scraps of the wealthy! Help put food on the table for my kids and buy these incredibly capable slaves for the incredible price of 1,000 gp!” One vendor shouts.

GOBLINS! Get your goblins here! Just caught form the swamps, and tamed for slavery! They might not be able to do basic math, but these little buggers can carry stuff til’ their arms fall off! Only 503 gp!”

“Bushbeasts! Get your bushbeasts! Fresh caught from the southern continent! They might be to dumb to do nearly anything, and they can barely support their own body weight, but they make nice foot stools! Discount slaves for only 3 cp!” One vendor says pointing to a small dirty looking creature with bird-like feet. They smell like a skunk wrapped in a dead fish stuffed with burning fecal matter. They are covered in matted hair that is literally crawling with at least 16 different kinds of vermin and parasites. They stare blankly into space and scratch themselves.

“Okay. I have to report to the Major, or he’ll kill me. Everyone spilt up into two groups and fan out across the city. Look for Ringgar’s whereabouts. Take one of these. If you find anything promising, break it, and anyone holding another one will be teleported to your location.” Zmire says handing small glass beads to everyone in the group. “Good Luck.”

Maverick takes Normus’s bead away. “You dont get one, ull kill us all.” slight of hand check.

Maverick gives McLovin her mace, “here, i dont use it well anyways.”

Mclovin thanks Maverick for the mace.

A man in a trench coat walks up to the group and hands them a flyer.

“The priests said they would feed me if I passed these out.”

The flyers advertise a local witch hunt that will be taking place at 3:00 pm.

The time is 9:00.

“This has Normus sacrificing us written allllll over it….”Maverick grimaces.

Malak says “Be careful Maverick, but we might use this witch hunt to our advantage. if we can get Ringgar burned at the stake, it saves us all the effort. However I agree let’s solve our Normus problem.”

Maverick hide both her and Normus’s bead carefully on her person.

Normus trots on his spider eater over to a seller of goblin slaves. (also, how much cash do I have on me?- don’t worry about it, if it’s too hard to find this number)

“I would like to acquire one of these horrid creatures, but I feel like I deserve a better price. I think you’re trying to rip me off because you know I have the means to. That’s price-discrimination.”

Normus taps his spider eater to intimidate this fellow. “I have connections, you know.”

“I’m sorry m’lord, of course some one as glorius as yourself deserves a much more reasonable price. How does 110 gp sound?” The goblin vendor says pissing in his pants.
John says “Me go with Maverick and Mclovin go wit Malak. We search city and beat crap out of guy.” John then looks at the bush beastes and falls in love. He grabs Malak and says “ME NEEEEEED MONEY FOR THAT!” and points to the bush beast.

Maverick thinks a bit and then agrees.

in a motherly fashion, Maverick grabs John and says, “no honey you dont need it. no.”

John smacks her hand and hisses. “You have awsome dragon, malak have dog, so john get bushybeast. He so beuitiful. John can teach im tricks.”

“Well as long as your goin with Maverick and you clean ’im” Malak says tossing John a gold piece.

John looks at the coin with aw then goes to the vender and says “this will have to do until i get my nerf. Please just one.” As john recives his bush beast he askes him to carry his great club for him. If he does not obey or drops the club then john beats him until he does it right. When he does get it right john scratches him on the head and says “Good.”

Mclovin goes with Malak. [btw, what guy are we killing? i wasnt here for that part]

Normus looks at the slave trader and laughs maniacally. “That’s not good enough! I demand it less expensive, and you also must give me time to consult my accountants, so I can acquire the funds to make this purchase. Better yet, you should loan me this slave. Also, can you direct me to the witch-hunting authorities? There’s a woman afoot who has horrible magical powers which I must report before she harms the populace. And by populace, I of course only mean the aristocracy as the rest of you are pure capital machinery. You also know where I can find a Ringgar.”

“Yes of course lord, I know the aristocracy is good for it!” The man says pushing two goblins in shackles over to Normus. “If witch craft is afoot, there is a church down the block!”

“I have also never heard of Ringgar in my life? Is it some sort of salad perhaps?”

Malak does a gather information on Ringgar

Gather information for any where there is a concentration of rebles against the royalty.

John hands the club to the bush beast, but it simply stands there with a dumb look on it’s face. John back hands the bush beast. A single tear wells up its beady blood shot eye and rolls down it’s hairy, disease ridden cheek. John hands the club to the bush beast and the hideous little animal takes the club and simply stares into space.

John walks into a nearby seedy little tavern, draging Maverick and the bush beast. One of the peasants tells him that since the third estate was disbanded, most of the malcontents hang out in an abandoned tennis court.

John goes there. John reaches the tennis court and sees several people without pants standing around talking to each-other.
John takes off his pants, gives them to his bush beast to hold and waves his fist in a menecing way to make sure he gets the point and does a search for anyone who might look like a leader.

The pantsless peasants all turn to face john.


Malak pokes around with Mclovin and finds a peasant with abnormally large front teeth.

“Sure. You have to go to Ignald’s. Its a bar near the abandoned tennis court. The pass word is Fatney.”

John raises his arms and says “We must go to the rest of our brothers. Where is the center. Oh and by brothers i mean opressed humanoids.”

The peasants are confused by John’s words.


John says “bring me to Ringgar.”

Everyone sees several crowds of raging peasants carrying pitch forks and torches towards one of the two castles on the ground.

Malak follows the crowd.

Maverick does a search check for Normus.

Maverick abandons her search for Normus and joins Malak following the crowd.

Malak does a spot check for Normus and Maverick

Mclovin follows Malak towards the riot

Normus screams at the goblins. “Men, you are now mine. You are to follow me a keep and lookout for someone who looks like this: [insert Maverick’s description]. Also, tell if you’ve heard of any Rinigar. Do what you’re told, scum!”

Normus goes towards the church and solicits the top cleric there.

The crowd runs screaming bloody murder into the air as they storm into the castle roaring like a thunderstorm. Several royal guards rush out but are trampled and beaten to death by the rabid mobs. The mob loots the bodies of the guards and add their equipment to their own. Several military officers watch as they swarm in in and out of the middle ring to attack the ground castles.

“Why aren’t they looting or stealing our equipment? We get better weapons, armor, and equipment then they do.” One soldier asks another. The other soldier smacks his compatriot.

“You wanna say that a little louder shit-for-brains?”

The mob tears apart the castle, mutilating anyone wearing a royal guard outfit or aoristic clothing.

HEY ASSHOLE WITH THE BUG EATER!!! I WANT MY FUCKING GOBLINS BACK!” The slave vendor yells at Normus. He runs up to Normus and knocks him off his spider eater.

Normus realizes that the tide is changing, and that the aristocracy is done for. He has no choice but to join with the new elite: “Viva la revolucion! Kill the nobles. Burn them!”

Normus has sex with the body of a dead guard and then joins with the crowd.

Maverick, Mclovin and Malak watch in awe as the peasants attack like ants, sheer numbers whipping out everything that gets in their way. All three of them spot Normus getting the crap beat out of him by an enraged looting vendor.

It is then that they see John and a metallic humanoid crowd surfing twards the castles.

VIVA REVOLUTION!” Both of them scream.

Finally, after all the guards are dead, the peasants scream triumphantly.

The warforged (Metallic humanoid) points at the castle hovering in the sky.

“Now my brothers in arms, we must take the fight to them! We need volunteers to assault the castle!”

John loots any of the bodies he can and then says to Ringgar “Me know the perfect people.” Search check for just Maverick Malak and Mclovin. John takes back his pants and great club from his bushbeast, beats it just in case and then tells him to stay where he is until further notice or else.

Malak steps foward and says “I’ll help.”

Maverick screams “Revolution!!!!!! HELL YES!!! ILL HELP!!! DOWN WITH THE MAN!!!!”

Maverick whispers to Mary, “go hide somewhere safe sweetie, i promise to come and find u afterwards. be safe i love you.” she kisses mary on the forehead and runs to join Malak and John.

Maverick, Malak, Mclovin, John and Normus are all garbed by the mob and tossed into a catapult. Ringgar climbs in.

“John, If I don’t make it, send more men.”

Malak and the rest watch as their turtles are ALSO loaded onto a separate catapult. The peasants try to break the rope by hitting it with the maces they stole form the dead guards. When they realize that won’t work, they simply bite through it. The group is flung through the air at eye burning speeds until they land on the foundation of the floating castle.

Maverick takes no damage because her adamantine armor protects her form most of the impact.
Malak gracefully lands on his feet.
John and Mclovin use their light armor and thick skin to avoid most of the impact.
Normus splats against the walls of the castle and takes 1 damage.

The turtles whistle through the air and explode against the walls of the castle. their thick boney shells protect them from impact, and their incredible velocity blasts an enormous hole in the side of the castle.

Several royal guards can be seen inside carrying a pot of boiling oil.

“Oh god, THEIR ALREADY HERE!!! ALL IS LOST, EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!” The guards scream. Several dash out the hole and throw themselves off the edge of the castle. One dunks his head into the boiling oil, and burns to death.

More peasant reinforcements arrive by air. With them also comes Bacon. Normus’s spider eater flys up from the ground and lands next to him.

“Okay John, we have to deactivate the levitation gem at the top of the castle so we can overtake the castle. Take this dispel magic scroll. Do you have a spell caster?” The warforged asks John.

“Here I can do it.” Malak says holding his hand out for the scroll.
John finds 963 gp. (from the dead bodies)
Ringgar tosses the scroll to Malak.

“We are going in to try to subdue the royal guards. You guys try and make it to the top of the palace and shut down the levitation gem. Good luck!”

Ringgar and his rabble trot into the hole.

Everyone thinks they hear a soft screaming noise. They dismiss it, until they see corporal Zmire zooming through the air towards them. He lands with a very unerving ‘thud’. He quickly picks himself up and shakes his head.

“WHAT’S GOING ON!” The whole fucking city has been turned upside down! The Major is pissed. I managed to spot you guys as I was leaving HQ. Tricked the mobs down on the ground into letting me use the catapults. Why didn’t you guys use those damn beads I gave you?"

Malak says “Quickly, we almost have him! With this scroll we can take him down! Let’s follow him!”

Maverick follows after Malak whos following after Ringgar

“Me sorry Zimire we cant do noting about noting” John grabs the scroll from malaks hand (slieght of hand) and says " Magic no work on warforged. You no spell caster. Even John know you cant use it." John hands it to maverick.

The group enters the hole in the wall Ringgar and vanishes inside. John doesn’t manage to get the scroll from Malak. Then everyone follows Ringgar into the castle. Malak and Normus recognize the the interior, but something is different. Most of the art, jewels, food, weapons and pretty much anything that wasn’t bolted the the floor has been ransacked or stolen. All of the peasants, royal guardsmen, and aristocrats have vanished. The entire setting seems like the set up for a horror movie. Out of the corner of his eye, Malak thinks he sees a pair of glowing red eyes. He turns to check the corner, but nothing is there.

Malak tosses the dispell magic scroll to Maverick and says “Something’s not right….”

Malak draws his bow. spot check to see how Bacon is reacting.

Bacon’s ears are back and he seems agitated. Even he senses that something is not right.

“Maverick, there’s a lot of negative energy in her. Undead kind.” The cherub says.

Leon seems flustered.

Malak says to Zmire " I think we’ve been set up…"

Zmire sighs.

“At this point, I don’t really care. I didn’t transverse a whole continent, nearly get killed twice and work with HIM to go back to base empty handed.”Zmire says pointing at Normus. “I’m a soldier, if I know it’s physically possible, I’ll see my mission to the end. We all have something riding on the life or death of Ringgar, whether it be our career, family, beliefs or personal philosophy. He is some where in this castle, and I am going to find and kill him.” Zmire says. He whips his paddle out of it’s holster and charges down one of the stretching corridors.

“That’s why I like that guy… " Malak says with a grin. “C’mon Boy!” Malak says to Bacon.

“If anyone finds Ringgar use your bead.”

Track check on Ringgar.

John remains completely oblivious to the wearing danger and runs through the castle grabing anything that might fancy him or ringgar.
“Leon, can u see or sense anything….coming? like following us?” Maverick asks
Malak takes off down the corridor with Bacon baying next to him. As with the last castle, the hallways seem to shift and change. However, with Bacon’s nose they manage to find the mob much quicker. Ringgar and his rabble are beating the ever-loving crap out of a handful of royal guards in a large throne room-like outlet. The banners of the Noble Coat of Arms have all been torn down and the peasants are looting. The guards don’t even seem to be trying to fight back. Strangely enough, there are no nobles to be found.

John begins his looting spree, and at first finds nothing. He walks up to a beat up vault door. The human peasants probably tried to knock it down, but were too weak. John manages to pry open the damaged door, and finds several lizard folk religious items including a, Belt of the Dragon God’s Fiery Breath (Magic Item). He also finds a small chest filled with jewels equaling 650 gp in value. He sees the Nobles also tried hiding gourmet food in the vault.

“There are evil creatures here. Very evil. I really think we should leave.” Leon says shaking.

“honey, i wish we could but we have to get Rinngar. now c’mon help me find Malak. the faster we get this done the faster we’re out!”

Maverick follows after Malak’s path. search/ track check on Malak.
Mclovin follows Malak. If the dragon god has a prayer equivalent to “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me”, he prays it.
John looks at the room with awe. He first does a ritualistic chant before even touching the stuff, which includes him yelling “dragon god, dragon god, DRAGON GOD!” He reclaims the items for his people and then realizes that shit is getting personal. He puts on the belt and grabs what ever he can grab eats what ever he can eat and then does a search check for the mechanism that makes the castle float. John throws his club over his shoulder and into his hands, pumps it and says “Lock and load.” As a prayer to his dragon god symbolizing that he will not lock his enemies away but load them with a shit load of death.
John now has a 3 damage fire breath attack twice a day (Does not stack with rage, magical enhancement or any other bonus damage increasing effects)

Maverick and Mclovin try to catch up with Malak, but become hopelessly lost in the castle. They walk around in circles, finally exhausting themselves into stopping. The stretches of castle seem to go on and on forever. Any time they try to find their way back, all decreeable land marks have vanished. Only looted hallways remain, splattered with the blood of the royal guards, and littered with their bodies. However, the single worst part of the whole situation, the most absolutely terrifying circumstance, is not a living soul inhabits a square inch of the castle. Not a single Noble corpse has been found, and their seem to be no trace of them. The deathly silence of the castle washes over the two like a sea, pumping adrenaline into their veins with every passing second, fully aware that something awful will approach them. As they continue forwards or backwards (Both appear to get them nowhere) a small black vaguely human shaped creature only a foot tall steps out of the shadows and stares at both Mclovin and Maverick. It’s thin grey eyes transfixed on the pair, unblinking, unmoving and unwavering. The little black creature doesn’t move, even when provoked. It simply stares at both of them.

Leon hisses loudly and hides behind Maverick. The little dragon is shaking violently.

Malak throws his bead on the ground to shatter it.
Before their unnerving encounter with the small back creature even begins, everyone but Normus is whisked away to a large room filled with Ringgar and his rabble. Ringgar looks over as the party teleports into the room.

“Well hello again John. This castle is harder to navigate then I thought. Can you believe how well this fight is going? Soon, all the people of Ranpurre will be free and equal under the banner of anarchy and Communism. Isn’t Communism great?” Ringgar says. All the peasants start singing songs about communism.

Zmire looks to Malak and nods his head.

“Good work.” He says as he turns to Ringgar. “This is nothing personal, but I have to kill you now.”

The corporal screams a battle cry and charges Ringgar. Before the corporal can even touch the warforged, a long black spear shoots down from the ceiling and impales Ringgar. The mechanical man slumps to the floor, dead. Green and black fluids leak out of him as the spear crackles with electricity.

“You disgusting, degenerate rabble are ruining a very good thing for us and our master.”

Suddenly, the room slowly and mechanically starts to shift and turn as the whole room spins on an axis like a planetarium arena. Parts of the floor slide open as the rattle of chains can be heard in the background. A large pool of thick, opaque, crimson liquid is revealed to have been hiding under the stone floor. On closer inspection, the liquid is revealed to be blood. A balcony and stairs flips around from the walls as most of the room is transformed into what looks like a giant alter. Out of the middle of the pool of blood rises a large platform. On top of this platform, lays a large pink slug-like creature with two bulbous, bulging green eyes. A large toothy sucker with a flickering tentacle-like tounge sits in between it’s eyes. Blood slides off it’s slimy, swollen, veiny body as the pillar ascends high into the air. Along with the pillar, a long black metal pipe rises from the blood. The pipe finds it’s resting place in the monster’s mouth, and it begins to suck contentedly.

Down the stair case come twelve hooded figures wearing black robes.

“We are the cult of Illixgoth.”

Malak screams “VOODOO MOTHERFU-[elven curse… elven curse] WORSE THAN ANY SCUM TO CRAWL OUT OF BACON’S BACKSIDE [ elven curse… elven anger…. more elven curses] DIE!!!!!!”

Malak shoots an arrow at a hooded figure.

The projectile splunks into the shoulder of one of the figures. He stares at it frankly and simply pulls it out of his shoulder.

“Ow.” He says snapping the arrow in his fist. He reaches out his hand and one of his associates hands him a vial filled with blood. He throws back his hood and downs the crimson liquid, revealing that his mouth contains two long, curved fangs.

Bacon begins barking loudly, leon hisses and starts cursing in draconic.

The cherub simply stares at the figures with a look of absolute disgust.


“We are the worshipers of Illixgoth” One of the Vampires says pointing at the giant blob on the pedestal. “Our master’s reign shall not be cut short by several monkeys and two lizard monsters who think they can save the world. We have been manipulating the nobles for generations now, and the blood of Lord Illixgoth has kept us strong. You will all join the other nobles as a part of our master.” They say pointing to the pool of blood. Malak notices several blood soaked items of finery floating at the top of the pool.

Sam, now would be a good time for a lesson on one of a cleric’s most potent abilities, “Turning Undead.”

As a standard action (Means you can only do it once per post you send, and once you do it, you can’t make another action, like how an attack or a skill check work.) You can hold up a holy symbol and channel the power of your god through you. This can be done through prayer, or by simply saying, “In the name of god…” Followed by an order. The undead will do 1 of 4 things.

1) They will be instantly destroyed. If an undead is weak enough, they will be instantly destroyed by the positive energy you channel.

2) They will halt (Paralyzed). If an undead will be completely paralyzed and unable to fight back as long as you continue to present your holy symbol. The second you put your arm down, or take another action, they will be free. You must specify in every post that you are still keeping your arm up.

3) They will turn (Cower). If an undead is strong enough, they will instead run screaming into the night in psychotic, panicked fear. This effect ends when you stop turning.

4) Nothing. If an undead is VERY strong, nothing will happen.

You can turn a total of 3 times a day. You need to be within arms reach of a holy symbol, or you cannot turn.

“Oh… I get it now….” Malak states in a suddenly uncharacteristically calm manner.

Malak tosses Maverick his Star of David (Holy Symbol)

DIE!!!!!” Malak screams resuming his previous disposition.

Malak draws a darkwood/ core arrow and shoots it at the slug on the alter.

John tries one of his fire breath attacks on one of the black hooded figures and tries to run for a change. If there is no way out then he starts to rage and give it all he got. “John dont fuck with undead. That holy lady job. John rather try to wrangle wild spider eater.”


As a free action, Mclovin asks the vampires if they sparkle in the sunlight. He waits for their response. He assumes an en guard stance with his mace.

Maverick takes the star of david and places it on her chain shirt. she pulls out her cross and begins to pray {{maverick is not holding it up to them at this moment.}} she begins wildly speaking in tongues. her eyes light up golden with holy light. she makes the sign of the cross on Leon, Bacon, and her comrades.

PROTECT THE MASTER!” One of the vampires screams and jumps into the path of Malak’s arrow. The arrow sticks into the vampire’s stomach and he takes 4.

John rears back his head and blasts the Vampire in the face with his breath weapon. The vampire takes 3 fire damage. Most of it’s face burns and melts off, leaving it twice as evil looking and horrendously disfigured. It’s left eye explodes and drizzles out of the socket. The fat form it’s lips melts, then chars, leaving a runny black mess around it’s mouth and feral teeth. It’s black hair disintegrates instantly, leaving nothing but charred, foul smelling clumps and burn marks on it’s head.

“Kill them!” The vampire says wrenching the arrow out of it’s stomach and snapping it in half. One of the vampires turns to the rest.

“Three of you go guard the king, three of you protect the master. Two of us shall be enough to eradicate these vermin. As long as the castle floats and our puppet is alive, we can still regain control of the city, and by extension, the country.”

Three vampires dash back up the stairs and disappear. Three dash over to the blood pool, and clear a jump from it’s edge, to the pillar in the middle. They Spider Climb to the top, and Two of the vampires throw off their cloaks and run screaming at Malak, John and Maverick. They are, however, intercepted by the mob. The peasants scream retribution for their fallen leader.

“Death to the Upper class!” The peasants wail.

They manage to deal a total of 1 damage to both vampires before they are all maimed and grotesquely ripped through like wet toilet paper by the vampires.

Zmire turns to Maverick.

“Bless me or John’s weapons, QUICK!”

Maverick casts align weapon for good on Johns weapon.

Maverick then holds up her cross and begins to shout “YE AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH I SHALL FEAR NO EVIL!!” she begins to turn undead.

John with his awsome new bless weapon attack one of the vampires. (John is raging).

Malak stabbs at a vampire with his flame dagger
Maverick {{still holding up the cross and now the star of david for some extra strength!!}} orders Leon to go and fire attack as many vamps as possible “stay outta there reach dear!” she continues to pray.
John’s club glows with unearthly light and pulses with positive energy.

Maverick raises her holy symbol and a bright blue light fills the room. The vampires scream in agony two of them simply flee the room. The two attacking the group recoil and climb up the pillar to cower next to their master. The maimed vampire freezes. He then stands up, and his head promptly explodes, showering everyone in the room in thick, sticky, black gore.

MASTER! SAVE US!” One of the vampires scream.

The slug stops sucking an it’s blood pipe and sighs. One of the vampires bring out an empty vial, and the slug vomits a large quantity of blood into the vessel. The vampire downs it and smashes the glass on the stone floor below. He begins laughing manically as his body twists and begins to reform. His limbs snap off, and his hair begins to fall out. It’s skin turns black, and it’s shape becomes that of a anthropomorphous blob. Several large red eyes open up on it’s body and large white tooth like protrusions stick up from it’s body. The horrible monstrosity leaps off the pillar and slams into the ground next to the party and roars, spewing a black tar-like substance into the air.

John roars his own battle cry back and slams his great club into the monster for 6 damage.

The monster screams and back hands john, sending him flying into a nearby wall, dealing 4 damage. The monster regains 2 hp. Leon leaps into the air and torches the monster for 2 damage. The horror screams again and flails it’s massive spiked appendages in the air trying to grab Leon and grind him into a paste. In the process, it regains 1 hp. Malak weaves his way over to the horror and stabs it with his flame dagger for 1 fire damage. The monster whips around and knocks Malak on his ass and into the blood pool for 4 damage.

It then turns its attention to Maverick. It’s eyes narrow and it shambles forward slowly and menacingly. Leon tries to distract it by scratching it from the air, but it ignores the dragon. Bacon bites the monster and tries everything in his doggy power to stop it, but soo joins his master as the horror flings him into the blood pool. It raises it’s hideously malformed arms and tries to impale Maverick on one of it’s spines when corporal Zmire jumps in front of her. The spine penetrates both the corporal and his armor, sticking all the way through. Blood spurts out of his mouth and nose as the monster retracts it’s arm. Zmire has taken 11 damage and is bleeding. He coughs up a large amount of blood, then in an amazing feat of stamina turns to Maverick.

“Don’t drop that cross. Tell the major I’m sorry.”

Zmire dies.

Maverick quickly begins to back toward the hall. her arm is still raised.

Malak puts on his angel band and explodes out of the blood pool dragging Bacon with him. He screams “John, Maverick, McLovin, get the hell outa here!!! Bacon protect Maverick!!”

Malak casts continual flame on the monstrosity, “Look at me Bitch!!!” Malak yells at the monster. As he taunts the monster he drinks his hide from undead potion.

The monster shrieks as the flames hit its back and turns to wail on Malak, only to find that he has vanished. It takes 1 damage. It screams in frustration and rapidly flails it’s arms completely missing any valid target.

Maverick tries to back up, only to find that the door they entered from has vanished.

Malak does a spot check for an alternative exit

The only remaining exit is the one all the vampires fled through.

John sheds a single tear for his lost comrade, attacks and says “YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTEN.” John with all of his might tries to cry.

John leaps into the air, touches the ceiling, and rockets into the Vampire Monster for 7 damage. The monster sweeps him against the wall and deals another 4 damage to John.

Malak takes his canaster of oil of truth and pours a little into his empty flask (from the hide from undead). takes a match lights up the remaining oil ( in the canaster) on fire and chucks it at the monster.
Malak tosses the flaming oil at the Vampire Horror. The canister bounces off the monster harmlessly and the continual flame goes out.

Maverick casts “Cure Moderate Wounds” on the blob vampire. Then she holds her cross and star of david back up and speaks in rapid tongues.{{turning}}

The vampire freezes. Slowly it begins to gurgle, and pinpricks of white light spurt from it’s horribly misshapen body. It takes 16 damage and explodes, sending black goo everywhere. The last two vampires milk their master and dash out of the room. The room shifts and the slug monster slowly descends back into it’s blood pool. The door that Malak entered from reappears and the floor closes up.

HOWEVER, the door the vampires entered and fled through still remains.

John looks around for an exit. “John say we get out. NOW!”

Malak gives John a healing potion (10 hp)

Malak kneels next to Zmire and says a requiem prayer in Elven. He stands and says “You are the first human to recieve an Azurian requiem….rest in peace.”

He does a track check for the hole in which the party entered the castle.

Mclovin walks towards the door through which he entered

Maverick walks over to Zmire, lets her fingers fall across his eyes to close them and gives him his Last Right. She makes the sign of the cross and kisses his forehead. “We gotta drop this rock boys and girls. no leaving just yet.”

John holds onto Zimires body. John drinks the healing potion that Malak gave him.

John is back at full. He also now has an empty flask.

Malak exits the room and makes his way back to the hole in the castle wall with bacon. He finds Normus sitting on his hands and his spider eater munching on a random peasant.

The other three manage to get horribly lost. Maverick remembers what Ringgar said about the Gem, and begins going up. She climbs every stair case she can find until she finds a stone tower at the very top of the castle. The tower has no doors, but does have several large windows at the top.

John puts down Zimires body and jumps to the windows (John agreed with maverick and followed her.)

Malak says to Bacon “Go find McLovin boy, make sure they make it back to this hole!”

Malak steps out of the hole and flies to the roof. Spot check for Maverick and John

Bacon barks and takes off down one of the halls. Malak steps outside and hears crowds of agitated peasants roar miles below him.

Meanwhile, Maverick and John stare up at the grey stone tower that houses their target. John tries to jump the full length, but the tower is too tall. He ends up digging his claws into the cracks and crevices in the bricks and climbs his way to the top. When John reaches the windows, he sees two royal guards sitting next to an absolutely enormous diamond.

“OH NO! The peasants have over taken the castle!” One of them screams.

“Relax. The cabal said they would let us join if we guarded the levitation gem. Lets just kick this bitch to the curb.” The other guard says pulling out his mace. The two guards approach John with a menacing expression.

Down below, Bacon comes running up to Maverick and begins barking loudly.

“He says ‘master wants you’. He wants us to follow him.” Leon says to Maverick. “Should I help John, mistress?”

John wips out his great club attacks the gaurds and says “Try john.”

Mclovin does a track check for Bacon

Malak falls off the edge of the castle platform and soars upwards. He flaps his way up to the top of the cast and spots Maverick on the roof. John is being approached by two loyal guards with maces.

Mclovin sees bacon as he runs down the hall and heads in the same direction. He manages to make his way to the roof.

One of the guards tries to flank John, but are horribly surprised when it has no effect. Both miss in their attacks.

John suddenly realizes that since he didn’t pick a target on his enemies that he is just flailing his arms around uselessly. So he decides to aim for breaking their skulls/faces. So they will be ugly and kill themselves.

John hits. He deals 6 damage. His face is catastrophically smashed and he has been seriously maimed. Most of his teeth have been knocked out, and his nose has been broken and bent as that he can’t breath out of it. One of his eyes have been knocked out, and blood obscures most of his features. He staggers around swinging wildly in retaliation, but misses. The second guard hits John in the back with his mace and deals 1 damage.

John initially shrugs off the damage, when he is suddenly compelled to jump out of the tower. He does so and plummets to the roof below taking 3 damage. He begins foaming at the mouth, and beats his head against the floor.

(John has been effected by a confusion spell.)

Malak lands behind the guards to flank them.

He then stabs one w/ his Kukuri Knife.

“oh Leon ur such a dear!” Maverick tells the dragon, scratching his head. “if it wouldnt be too much trouble?” She does a climb check.

Mclovin uses his lizard folk mad climbing skillz to scale the side of the tower.

Despite the fact that she has no equipment to help her, and that the tower is a tough climb for most humans, Maverick manages to scale the side of the Tower very effectively.

The uninjured Royal guard attacks and hits Mclovin and hits him in the stomach for 1 damage. Mclovin falls on the floor and begins scratching himself.

Leon flies by and burns the face off the injured royal guard. He deals 3 damage. The guard screams, and falls out the side of the tower (The fire damage killed him. He’s pretty dead at this point.).

The last remaining guard realizes he is flanked by two opponents with a vastly superior level of competence then him, and surrenders. He drops his mace, and a red ribbon unwinds off of it. It has a magic aura. Leon swoops down and grabs it in his mouth. He lands on Maverick’s shoulder and hands her the ribbon.

John starts dragging his butt on the roof. Bacon joins him.

“Good Boy!” Malak yells to Bacon.

“Alright, Maverick take the thing down.”Malak says.

When John gets back to the top john exclaims “JOHN SO CONFUSED!” Forgeting that Mavrick had the scroll john repeatedly hits the crystal with his great club.

“John, stop it”

Maverick puts the magic ribbon in her hair and tells Malak, “if anything funny happens take it off immediately.”

Maverick reads the dispel magic scroll.

Suddenly a sick realization comes over Maverick, “Holy Mother Mary, do the people who hired us KNOW about the vampires?!!”

Maverick puts the ribbon in her hair. Nothing happens.

“I think it’s a hilt wrap Mistress. You wrap it around the handle of any weapon, and it takes on special properties. It works like a graft medallion.”

Maverick reads the magic scroll and the gem emits a low humming noise. The entire castle lurches, and plummets out of the sky. The sheer force of the fall knocks everyone off their feet and sends them flying into the air.

Malak swoops down and grabs Maverick and Mclovin.

John is convulsing on the floor when the sudden rush of air snaps him back to his usual senses. He sees that Bacon is still on the roof of the castle and dives down to grab him. With the dog in his arms, he kicks off the castle walls and free falls towards a nearby building. He hits the thatched roof with a tremendous ‘crash’ and the house collapses under him. John and Bacon walk away from the wreak, unscathed.

Normus casually jump onto his spider eater and fly to the ground.

As the castle falls, several dead bodies and other forms of debris shoot off of the castle platform and into the air, eventually raining down on houses, factories, and several members of the mob below. The castle hits the ground with the force of a megaton bomb, shattering the two castles standing next to it. The shock wave produced by the castle’s landing sends peasants flying back several feet in the air, and deafening anyone in a five mile radius with the incredible boom.

(Que princes of the universe)

The peasantry screams a battle cry that is twice as loud as the blast of the castle. They charge the imperial palace, waving stolen weapons and yelling rallying cries of freedom. They bust down the doors and rip up anything that isn’t bolted, literally tearing the hallways apart like a wave of anarchistic hell fire. Even though not a single living thing stands in their way, the wrath of the unwashed masses comes down like a hammer on the depravity of the ruling class. They burn, throw and smash aristocratic icons, and break down vanity portraits of the nobles all over the castle. They rip their hoarded food out of the vaults, and scarf it down with tears in their eyes.

Malak lands next to John and Bacon who jumps on his master and licks him repeatedly. Mary spots Maverick and runs up and hugs her. Normus’s spider eater lands next to the group, and John spots his bush beast starring blankly into space. The sound of destruction can be heard in the background as the group sighs heavily.

Everyone turns at the sound of a pair of hands clapping.

Major Surolian stands behind the group with a sour look on his face.

“Bravo.” he sighs deeply. "God what an awful waste. Looks like even in death, Ringgar beats me to the punch. All those years of tracking the rebellion’s growth, all those months of planning, all one great waste. All those months of trying to convince the vampire cabal that I was on their side, only to have them escape just on the cusp of their destruction.


“We hold up our part or bargin… Now you.” John grabs his bush beast throws his great club at him and tells him to carry it. Search check for our turtles.

“Yes, yes John. You will each receive your payment.” The Major says regaining his more formal manner. He motions for a carriage from an ally and two soldiers clamor out. They open the doors and reveal several large bags of gold.

“16,000 Gold for each of you. I promised this gig would pay well. I imagined the king would have rewarded you as well if this had all gone according to plan. It didn’t however. This is sadly all I could muster without starving my men. Mr. Firestone, I believe I do have something for you as well. As per our agreement, Ringgar is dead. I owe you at least this much.” Surolian says snapping his fingers.

The other door of the carriage is opened and Kaylee steps out. She runs over to Malak and hugs him.

“She’s a talented chess player. She even beat me a few times on the trip over here. I have a confession to make to you all. I am unofficially quitting the army. They say if you want a job done right, do it yourself. As regrettable as it is to learn of Corporal Zmire’s demise, it was inevitable for the unreal expectations I placed on him. I would like to extend the contract I had for your group. No threats, no hostages, no black mail. I will be offering double what I paid you for the last mission, and I will be coming with you personally.” The major says.

“I know none of you owe me jack shit, and you would have no reason to trust me from our past dealing, but I need your help. I’m short on allies, and I just scraped the corpse of one of my most loyal supporters off the roof of my coach. I’m on my knees, I have no other options, and Zmire spoke highly of your effective (if not rag-tag) abilities.”

“John in… for Zimire, plus if you can tell john where to get his nerf.”

Major Surolian smirks.
“You caught me. I almost forgot about your Nerfs. Sadly, my plans have not yet come to fruition, and I am unable to summon your nerfs. I promise you will have them by the end of my new mission.”

Maverick ties the ribbon to her staff.

Maverick doesnt seem to pay much attention to the man blabbing in front of herand instead is scream “MARY?!! MARY!?!? WHERE ARE YOU?!?!” she twists and truns violently unable to see mary through the mayhem. “i cant do anything till i find her!!!!!!!!!!!” she screams at the man. search check for mary.

“I’m right here.” Mary says looking up at Maverick.

The Major shuffles awkwardly.
“I suppose you never got that Magic Rot taken care of…”

Maverick gives Mary a hug and a kiss and says, “sorry my dear. i am just a bit stressed is all. i am glad ur ok!!” she giggles with embarassment.

Maverick looks at the Major and says, “im going wherever Malak is going.”

“What about John? John not special enough?HHHHMMMM?! Me stick with Major. He no smell as bad as you.” John lols at Mavricks magic rot.

The major nods then turns to Mclovin.

“I know you have never met me, but I would thrilled if you could join me as well. The late corporal had nothing but good things to say about you.” Surolian says then turning to Normus.

“Lets get one thing straight, the aristocracy is dead, and the buck stops here. You are a coward, a traitor, and a useless sack of flesh. The only reason I would even consider using you is that I’m desperate for man power. If you so much as slip up once, i will personally cut out your liver and drizzle blood down your throat with it. I know that now that the aristocracy has been torn down, you have no place to go. Your home was destroyed, and if you went back to your old town, you would be executed as a loyalist and a enemy of the rebellion. You need us just as much as I need you. You can come with us and I will try to offer you protection from the mob, or you can live the rest of your life in poverty, hiding from the new government. The choice is yours.”


Maverick laughs at Normus’s misfortune.

“John, u have become a dear friend to me, but i must go where Malak goes. I havent a choice. No more questions now. except for, where are you going Malak?”

Mclovin says he’ll go with the major. He asks what nerfs are. He asks if anyone knows where to go for some really badass armor and weapons. If no one knows, he does a spot check for a place that sells some really badass armor and weapons.

The Major takes Mclovin by ths shoulder and whispers,

“Just roll with it. John’s……… Not that bright.”

He then turns back to the whole group.“The first part of our new mission is to give the group’s equipment an upgrade.”

“John want a new shoulder gaurd. But make it like a nerf would.Make it good. Oh and Mclovin, You need real lizardfolk weapon, like….. JAVLIN!”

Mclovin wants armor that’s good, but won’t give him too much of a penalty. He’ll also get a javelin and a sabre, or some other good kind of sword. Spot check for the turtles
Malak hugs Kaylee and pats Bacon on the head

He rises and says " Major, you will have my bow to assist you. Assuming that Kaylee will be allowed to travel with us."

Malak introduces Kaylee to the rest of the party. (DJ i am assuming that you consider her to be a rogue class.)

“I could use a few more of those core arrow heads, and actual arrows wouldn’t be too bad either. Oh! and I almost forgot we need bacon for my hound here!” Spot check for a weapon’s or equipment shop and a place to purchase bacon."


Urvogel7 Urvogel7

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