Crocodile Tears

Day 7

The next morning, the group wakes up refreshed (This having been only one of two times they have awoken in a bed.) Maverick, Mary and Kaylee wake up on one of the three couches. Kaylee seems to have recovered from the shock of nearly being mauled to death by an angry mob. Rael awakens tied to a chair. His self-inflicted stomach wound has healed and he has lost the desire to do bodily harm to himself. Malak, Mclovin, and John wake up in their respective rooms, and enter into the main living area. John’s bush beast did not violate any of the conditions that he ordered it. However, John wakes up with several vermin in his bed. Normus wakes up half dead with the wound on his throat healed. As everyone wakes up several glasses and trays of water, meat, milk, bread and fried eggs. The Major is leaning in the corner with a silver cigarette case in one hand, and a coffin nail in the other. He austerely inhales, then lets the smoke pour out his nostrils. He is unshaved, and his eyes are blood shot. His jacket was draped over Mary, and he is still wearing his green undershirt, his blue fatigues, and his black boots. His sword belt is buckled, but one of his swords is missing. He tosses the cigarettes on a couch as the women get up, and unties Rael.

“Help yourselves to breakfast. Even without Normus’s assistance, I still managed to squeeze the intelligence necessary.”

Rael and Maverick eat.

“Now that our goal is clear cut, lets get down to business. The Cabal of Vampires that calls themselves “The cult of Illixgoth” is an ancient order of undead who as most of you know have been manipulating the upper classes into accomplishing their own twisted ends. The worship an Infernal outsider known as Illixgoth. Illixgoth seems to also be connected to his cult in the fact that it is also sustained by blood. No one knows when Illixgoth appeared on the scene, or even what Infernal plane he’s originally from.
During the castle siege yesterday, they escaped into the swamps before the mobs could properly dispose of them. The new anarchist government is weak, and will remain so because of the inadequate bumbling of one Peter Rope. Rope has recently promoted himself head of “The People’s Assembly”. He was the man I went to brown nose yesterday. Rope has made no attempt to stop the riots, or establish some form of order. Them man practically encourages them, using the rabble to gain power through fear (Much as Normus did yesterday). Who ever controls the mob, controls the country right now. Peter is playing Crossbow Roulette with the system, and it is only a matter of time before he blows his own brains out with it. The vampires are waiting for this, gaining support from loyalists everywhere so that when the new government collapses, they will be there to pick up the pieces and reestablish the Monarchy. We have to first cut the ties of the loyalist supporters, then eliminate the Cult while they are weak in the joints." The Major says pacing back and forth through the room as he speaks.

“What do we know about Vampires? Anyone? Don’t be shy. They are undead, correct? This means that they are animated by negative energy, positive energy disrupts them, they are immune to critical hits, holy water burns them like acid, they don’t eat, sleep or drink, and they are at the mercy of clerics wielding religious objects and Icons. This is all general information. Vampires are unique in that by merely raising a holy symbol, they can be forced back even if the person holding the object is not a cleric. Dunking them in running water destroys them immediately, it doesn’t even have to be holy water. Sunlight also destroys them instantly. Vampires have a strange obsession with counting, and will stop in the middle of the fight if they see an spilled bag of rice, or open chests of Jewels. They are not to be underestimated, they can shape-shift, spider climb, dissolve their bodies into gas, regenerate, and snap a man’s will in half with a gaze attack. They are also immune to cold and electric energy attacks.

Normus asks Captain Surolian, “So, hold on here. Who’s the ones in charge here? It’s anarchists and not communists. I’ve been looking like an idiot proclaiming my loyalty to the communist elite, unless of course they’re the same thing. We should reinstate a military dictatorship in which you and me are the highest, Captain. We’re both good reasonable men, who don’t want inferior whelps like nobles, adventurers, or vampires interfering with our way of doing things. We don’t need any of those slobs. Though, what do you suppose the odds are that the nobility will be restored, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Normus also jumps at the food and water and attempts to eat all of it before anyone else can get to it, while simultaneously using his x-ray moncle to get a peak at Kayle.

Malak kicks Normus away, eats his portion, and secures a portion for both Bacon and Kaylee. He says “I swear Major, if Normus ever gets such power I think I’d rather return to the ever burn forest of Azure. Trust me Kaylee we left for a reason. But for the manner at hand, I have two mirrors, they should be allocated to those who can’t defend themselves well. My vote is Mary and prehaps Kaylee if she’ll take it. Also Normus brings up a good point, is there anyone in the Military who would be willing to help out?”

John askes for a smoke from the Major. He eats his breakfast and invites Mclovin to come do a seach check for a functioning armor for he isnt really good at pregame planing. John puts on the head band he found yesterday to respect the dragon god.

The major sighs heavily, and rubs his temples.

“Normus, Communism is an economic philosophy, AND a system of government. The people are anarchists who share everything. It’s not that hard.” he says picking up his cigarette case and tossing it to John.

“My original plan when the Nobles were still in power was to simply stage a coupe de tat, but the Communists took over. The “People’s Assembly” is a self proclaimed committee of public safety, and they essentially assign the mobs to go after their political enemies, so they can tighten their grip on the seat of power. The are really an oligarchy who thinks they can harness the power of the people’s unrest to put some wind in their sails. They are now in control of the army and the way we spend our funding. If we were to try the coupe now, it would ignite a civil war, and that would be all the Cult would need to regain their seat. If the Committee found out we were mucking around in the swamps, wasting the people’s resources, a lot of heads would role. Thats why I left the army and had to convince the assembly to leave us alone. Corporal Zmire would have joined us I’m sure, but being unemployed makes it hard to find the money to find someone to raise him. I’m afraid that like it or not, we are alone."

John puts on the head band and gains 1 negative level, -5 on all roles, AC and HP. John feeling slugish does not want to go out to town so he looks for an armorer from the army.

Malak says “Well Kaylee I guess you can always help teach Mary some stuff, she can get that dagger I gave you, when you think she’s ready. And Mav, that scroll of neutralize poison’ll come in handy. Also, can I get the Star of David back?”

John walks down to the main floor, and looks around the middle ring. Most of the rioting has stopped, and the soldiers go about their daily business. John spots a man with an open air forge and several people standing on with broken weapons. A peasant walks up to John’s bush beast and snatches the Corroisum block out of his hands. (The bush beast tears.)

“I’m going to use this as a chair. I’ll bring it back… eventually. Isn’t Communism great?”

“I don’t think she’ll be seeing daggers anytime soon.” Kaylee says to her brother.

Mclovin eats breakfast, then follows John to the armorer. He does a gather information role to find a place/multiple places where he could find/buy/get things to assemble the following:
Garlic necklace, Wooden stakes, Holy symbol on necklace, Canteen of holy water, Mirror.

Mclovin asks people about the mundane items such as the garlic, stakes and mirror, and he is directed to a grocer, and two different trades men. When he asks a man with braided long blond hair and a bandana over his head about religious Items, he scoffs laugh at him.

“Are you stupid? Religion is for idiots. All you need in life is your love of Communism. You’re dumb because we with our superior logic have killed god. Religion only makes people fight pointlessly about stupid things (This is said while riots are going on in the street). Anyone who goes to church is retarded. What has religion ever done for anyone?”

John attemtps to rip any part of the body of the man that “barrowed” his corrosium. “John trade you limb for block” If john is successful in this transaction he goes to the armorer being very careful makeing sure that the block didnt touch anything metal and askes him to infuse it into his arm guard.

The man screams as John chews off his left hand. When he mentions the trade, the man immediately stops, despite the fact that his wrist stump is still gushing blood.

“OH! Well, I’ll trade it to you if you will sew that hand you are using on to my wrist. Since Communism means we share everything, I’ll let you use that hand for a couple days.” The man says, dropping his butt on John’s block.

Mclovin follows John. When John’s done, Mclovin asks if he could borrow some money to buy stuff to help beat the vampires. If John says yes, Mclovin goes to the grocer and the two tradesmen to buy the respective items they sell.

John grapples the man takes back his block and throws him back his hand and says “clean your self up.” John make his way toward the armorer and does the thing he has been trying to do for about 3 posts. John gives Mclovin 50 gold.

Mclovin thanks John, then goes to the grocer and tradespeople to buy the vampire-repelling stuff. He also buys rope and makes 2 necklaces with it: one with a bunch of garlic cloves and one holding the mirror. He puts the necklaces on. After he purchases about 20 wooden stakes, he inquires about somethign like a throwing knife belt that will hold about 20 wooden stakes. HE also inquires about a mallet that will be sufficient to hammer stakes into chests. If possible, he buys these things too. He also purchases 2 canteens and alcohol, oil, gas or some other very flammable liquid to put in 1 of the canteens and water to put in the other. He also buys a decent number of matches. He inquires about a holy person of any kind who could bless water.

Malak walks outside, Kaylee tailing in his wake. He spots a sign for an armorer and walks in that direction. When he arrives, he sees John monkey stomping some random peasant with a stump hand. The Peasant is sitting on John’s corrosium block. John picks the man up and throws him ten feet away. John’s bush beast snatches the corrosium and follows him to the armorer.

A soldier with a black bandanna stands in the open air forge and shakes his head.

“What can I do for you?”

The peasant with the stump hand springs up and starts picking around in Malak’s quiver and bag.

Mclovin manages to secure all the supplies he was looking for and succeeds his craft checks.

“Why would you want to find a priest? Are you going to laugh and spit on them?” A peasant asks.

John calmly gives the man his arm gaurd and corrosium block (being very carful with it) pats his bush beast on the head for being a good slave. “Can you fuse this into this?” John askes the armorer motioning to each object. He then jumps on the guy who tried to get stuff from Malaks quiver and beats the ever lovin crap out of him.

The man takes the corrosium and the arm guard and throws the metal block into a large furnace. He watches John hand his great club to his bush beast, leap 15 feet in the air and epic strike the peasant for 2 damage and grins.

“It’ll take a few hours. Come back at the end of the day.”

Mclovin bluffs, “Of course I want to spit on a priest. I might even throw shit at them, rape them with a sabre, or take their eyes out. If you would be so kind to show me how to get to one, I’d greatly appreciate it.” He takes out a silver piece and is visibly prepared to give it to the peasant if he gives Mclovin the information he requested.

Malak backhands the peasent who tried to steal from him. “Stay away from me!” He commands search check to see if anything is missing.

Malak goes to the armorer and asks him to forge core arrow heads for him. He gives him the 4 pounds of core material. He than asks him to forge the fluid steel into his Kukuri knife blade. Malak gives the armorer the 1 pound of fluid steel.

Normus asks Surolian, “Can you order more breakfast for us? Also, can you provide me with stakes and garlic and such. The streets are wearisome. I wish not to venture into the,. Wait, a sec.”

Normus turns to Mary or Kaylee, flashing gold coins. “Can one of you go out and get me some mystery sausage, if possible, as well as vampire fighting equipment. I’ll reimburse you, and then you can use the change to get crushed ice to suck on? I want you to reimburse me, Surulian, because it’s not our responsibility.”

“That will be 404 gp.” The armorer says taking the materials. “Come back at the end of the day.”

Malak sees that the peasant John is stomping on has stolen his pipes of sewers. (The peasant has also stolen his Angle Band, but Malak doesn’t notice.)

Mary looks at Normus.

“Lady Maverick says you’re a bad man. She says you come from a nasty shack.”

The Major smirks.

The peasant leads Mclovin to a large church on the other side of town.

Malak realizes that his angel band is gone when the peasant puts it on to escape the savage beating john is giving him. He vanishes into the city.

“Well, Maverick is a whore and a liar as are you.” Normus starts breathing heavily. “But I can forgive you for that. Why don’t you come into one of the bed’s with me, and I’ll further explain what I mean? I’ll give you candy, little girl Please.”

John does a search check for a large bag of rice and a sack that he can tie to his belt. “YOU BETTER RUN! Hey malak he has angle band just like you!” When John finishes his shoping he returnes to his room and waits for his arm gaurd to be ready.

Malak says to John “No, John, that was my angel band…. bastard stole it….” Malak returns to the hotel room.

Malak goes into the room “Hey Mary wanna play with Bacon!” he yells.

Malak does a search check for a piece of cloth or wood to play tug-of-war with his dog.

Malak successfully distracts mary from Normus’s… Pedo advances. He finds some rags, and mary and bacon begin playing on the floor. The sight is freakin adorable.

John finds a bag of moldy rice spilt on the ground. (This sight would have been impossible before the nobles were ousted). He does however, have a difficult time finding a store that sells bags in the middle ring. He ventures out to the crime infested slums and finds a man with several bags.

Mclovin is lead to a recently disheveled church. The man who showed him snickers then walks away.

“No,” Normus claps his hands together. “I guess I’ll have to go out and look for a goat.”

Normus goes outside and attempts to gather information as to the location of a goat as a well as a place where he can buy vampire fighting equipment wholesale, or better “share it” as he is a member of the communist elite of course.

Normus ventures outside and looks around. Most of the people in the middle ring still take money as a legitimate form of payment, and continue to function normally. He travels to the outer ring, and sees several vendors with objects just laying out in the sun. People simply walk up and take things. He also sees a petting zoo.

John before entering the outer ring decides to put all of his belongings besides his great club back in the room and suggests to his bush beast to play with bacon and mary. He then askes the man with the bags what he has to do to get one….that isnt sexual.

Normus goes to the objects lying on the ground and bellows, “I’m more equal than anyone here, so I will have take all of these.”
Normus tries to pick up as many wood objects as he can for making stakes, even if someone else already has this wood object in their hands.

After this Normus would go to the petting zoo and begin winking at one of goats, while saying. “You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the magical discovery channel.”

Both Bacon and Mary get fleas from the bush beast.

John enters the outer ring many people try to “Borrow” his great club, but are unable to pry it out of his powerful hands. John bops them in the face and they disperse.

‘Well, you can just take these bags, but if you want to be a functioning member of our communist utopia and not be beaten to death by an angry mob, you could carry me like a pack animal. I’m tired of standing." The proprietor of the bags says.

Normus rips several peices of mundane wood out of the hands of other people. One of them looks at him strangely, then smiles.

“OH! You want to trade! Well, okay.” A woman says. She rips the monocle off Normus’s face and runs away with it.

As Normus courts the goat, a small boy stares in horror.

“Mommy, that man is a creeper and a weirdo! He also has bad taste in music!” The boy says running up mother.

“Just ignore him honey. If we pretend he isn’t there, maybe he’ll go away.”

Normus proceeds to engage in intercourse with the goat. He also taps his helmet, saying: “Boy, would I like that x-ray monocle back.”

John grabs the bag and grabs the man. He carrys him around looking for a convenient place to put him down.

Normus has sex with the goat. Parents shield the eyes of their children. A random boy attempts to walk up to Normus, but his mother drags him away.

John picks a sizable leather bag and lifts the man onto his shoulders. He spots a large pile of cow manure and drops the man on top of it.

“Over already? Well, since none of us has any initiative to provide excellent service because we are handed everything we need, I guess it’s good enough.”

“Um, dude, some random chick stole your monocle. She’s long gone. We’d need to hunt her down.” Ouberk says. “You should also stop fucking the goat in public. They might sick the mob on you.”

John drops him in the cow manure seeing that cow manure is actually much more comfterable than most people would think and heads back to his room to reclaim his stuff and put any of his equipment that does not fit in his pockets or is already on his person in his bag and ties the back to his dragon god belt. He scratches his slave on the head and sees if his room comes with a bath.

Normus stops having sex with the goat. “I was just joking,” he tells the people around him. He then seeks out a grocer in the inner-circle.

“Sir, may I purchase a bundle of garlic,” Normus says to the grocer. “I shall give you a few gold coins for your trouble, say 4.”

“Garlic’s 6 gp a pound pal.”

“Very well,” Normus says, handing the man 35 gp but hoping he wouldn’t notice. “I’d like 6 pounds of garlic and a bag too.”

The man looks at the money.

“I’m gonna need one more.”

Malak leaves the hotel and does a spot check/ gather information for a grocer. He spots a grocer. Normus is standing at the counter heckling the owner.

“Fine.” Normus hands it to him and then takes the product. “May I have a bag of some sort?”

The owner stares at Normus with a slight look of malice. He grudgingly puts the garlic in a small straw bag and hands it to Normus.

Malak goes up the grocer and asks for a pound of garlic. he puts down 6 gp.

Mclovin walks into the church. If he sees anyone unusual, he is prepared to stab them with his wrist blade. If he sees a holy person, he asks him to bless his water and hands the person the canteen.

Normus gathers information for a church and would like to venture there.

Mclovin enters the church and sees several depressed looking priests standing around an alter.

“This is so unfair, we left the third second estate so we could reach out to the people in need as is our christian duty, we joined the rebellion when Ringgar said he would drive out all the corrupt priests, and now peter rope has declared a vendetta on all religious organizations. That guy is a sick two faced bastard. WE WERE IN THE RIOTS TOO, DAMNIT! Only we sat in the back and healed people who were acting like animals. Rope has to go.” One of the priests says to his fellow fathers.

One of them notices Mclovin as he walks in. When Mclovin asks about blessing the water, they look at each other.

“Sure, but could you do us a favor, could you help us de-thrown peter rope. He’ll see us all torn to shreds by the mob if he has his way.” The priest says taking the water. He says a quick prayer, and begins chanting praise to Jesus. The water glows blue, then returns to normal.

Mclovin’s water is now filled with holy, positive energy.

Normus is confronted by the same guy who told Mclovin that religion is for idiots.

Maverick is very pissed at Normus and goes to hunt him down.

Maverick looks around and spots Normus talking to a man who won’t stop shut up about how much religion sucks, and how great Communism is.

“I will try to dethrone him, fathers. You could help me accomplish that task by giving me some sort of holy symbol, maybe a cross, if you have one to spare. Thank you for your help.”

Normus laughs maniacally, “I’d love to dethrone Peter Rope. I’m a highly religious Christian man. We can have a theocratic infrastructure, and you can train me as one of the clerical elite. I will declare my loyalty to you and the church.”

Malak thanks the grocer and puts his pound of garlic in his bag. Malak returns to the hotel and does a search check on his items to see if he got pickpocketed.

Maverick uses Mage Scroll to remove the helmet from Normus’s head. Maverick says a prayer to God that it will work.

For one such as yourself, a friend to our lord’s house, you can have these.

Mclovin receives
Symbol of Turning
Prayer Beads (Blessing and Healing)
A Statuete of Summoning
Sigil of Devine Love

Malak has not been pick pocketed.
(People won’t pick your pockets, so there is no need to check. You will be aware if someone is trying to steal something.)

The man Normus is talking to stares at him strangely.

“What, are you Stupid? Religion is for Idiots. Why aren’t you listening to me?” The man says. He runs away crying.

Maverick activates the scroll and the helmet slowly lifts off his head. Suddenly, a voice that sounds like Normus echos in her head.

SUGGESTION: Stop casting.

Maverick is compelled to end the spell, and the helmet ‘shunks’ back onto Normus’s head.

Maverick hears a voice in her head that is clearly not Normus’s.

“You STUPID BITCH! YOU THINK YOUR STUPID LITTLE PARLOR TRICKS CAN STOP ME?! If I wasn’t focused on somthing else right now, I’d crunch your goody-goody little skull like a FUCKING FORTUNE COOKIE! You try to mess with my host one more time, and I will PERSONALLY Tear or ovaries out and stuff them down YOU LITTLE SHIT-STAIN OF A DAUGHTER’S THROAT!!! NO LITTLE CUNT STAND’S BETWEEN ME AND MY GOALS!”

“Yeah, im afraid of a stupid evil helmet. riiiiight. perverts. we’ll see who better, and for some reason the talking inanimate object doesnt seem to be the probable winner. Idiots.” Maverick walks away.

When Maverick next runs into Malak, she gives him her Star of David.

Maverick goes out in search of a church. she brings Mary along with her.

“Thank you all, fathers. While I’m here, if any of you know anything about battling vampires, could you share it with me?”

“So thats why you have that get-up. You must be a paladin. Well, vampires are only effected by sunlight. Torchlight and other forms of mundane light have no effect on them. Several spells can replicate sunlight however. Here, take this.”

They give Mclovin a scroll of Sunlight.

“I cannot thank you enough, my fathers. I will make good use of this wonderful gift. I must leave now. Thank you again.” Mclovin goes back towards the hotel and stops at a grocer to get a bag of rice. After he purchases a bag of rice, he goes to the armorer and asks if he can build him a metal throat guard which will allow him to move his neck, but won’t let fangs, etc. get to his throat.

Malak returns to the armorer and asks if what he has ordered is ready and how much he owes the armorer.

John goes to the armorer and picks up his order for his arm gaurd. When he gets it he is very carful puting it on makeing sure it does not touch anything metal. He then askes to buy a cheap metal rod. “Malak! Test Johns new arm gaurd.” John hands him the metal rod.

Normus smiles. “It seems Maverick has gone too far in attempting to steal an article of my property. Someone must teach that bitch a lesson.”

Normus heads back to the hotel, whistling, with images of Mary in his mind.

You know what, Fuck it. That little shit cunt knows who I am, so I’ll just have to demolish her. WE WILL MAKE HER WISH SHE HAD NEVER BEHELD THE MAGNIFICENCE OF OUBERK, HELM OF THE NINE HELLS!!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! FOLLOW THAT LITTLE CUNT TO THE CHURCH!" Ouberk screams maniacally.

Maverick takes her daughter to the church. Normus approaches the hotel and goes up to their rooms. He looks for mary, but can’t find her. He sees Major Surolian sitting on a couch, writing. Normus asks where Maverick and her daughter have gone.

“The went out looking for a church.” Bonray says not looking up from his work. “If you see the others, tell them we are leaving tomorrow. I’m ordering dinner, so they should return soon.”

Malak and John pick up their equipment.

“Actually, you already payed me.” The armorer says to Malak. The man hands John a large piece of slag.

Inside the church, Maverick sees Mclovin, talking to several priests. He looks like Van Helsing, in that he is ladened with wooden stakes and more blessed equipment and magic Items then you can shake a stick at.

“Ah, a member of our order! Welcome sister… wait. You’re not one of those bastards who sold out to the nobles and got us into this mess, are you?”

John does a seach check for Mclovin just to see how the only other lizard folk in the group is doing when he finds him he tells him in draconic, “You should totaly get a brimed hat. That way you can look like the lizardfolk legend Gni Slehnav.” John does a spot check and waits for SHIT TO GO DOOOOOOOWWWWWNNNNN.

Normus goes to the church that Maverick went to. “Maverick’s going to wish she never dared compare herself to Normus Tyire. A peasant should not offend someone of my stature. We are on too different planes. I should not concern myself with such insignificant lives, but she must dealt with, and she inspires great rage in me. I will defeat her.”

“Brothers in Christ, i have issues with some vampires and some sort of evil magical helmet bent on destroying me and my daughter here. please any help you could give would be wonderful. the situation is dire. a monstrens and a concecrated host would be phenominal.”

Normus approaches the church and throws open the doors. There he sees s handful of priests standing around Mary, Mclovin and Maverick.

“What are you doing here? This is no place for wicked men such as yourself! Leave immediately.” One priest says.

As this is going on, John approaches the church and peeks in.

MASS SUGGESTION: The little girl is an abomination and the source of all your woes. Kill her.” Normus says.

The priests suddenly stiffen up and glare at Mary.

SHE IS A SERVANT OF PETER ROPE. SHE MUST BE DESTROYED.” They say in unison. They make slow, threatening advances on Mary.


Mclovin is suddenly compelled to grapple Maverick.


John attemtps a breath attack on Normus while rageing. you know why….. CAUSE ITS ON!


Urvogel7 Urvogel7

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